Ben: Essentially, we're going to put a ramp on every building in town.
Leslie Knope: Like I always say, stairs are a young man's game.
Ned Jones: Damn straight. This is very impressive. You know, you remind me of my brother. You have the same name, Leslie. He lost a third of his body in a motorcycle accident. The middle third. But they sutured the hell out of him. He's-- He's fine now. Much shorter, but a good-looking, young, flat man. What have you heard about Newport's new campaign manager, Jennifer Barkley?
Leslie Knope: Uh, who?
Ned Jones: She wants to have a meeting with me at 5:00. I told her sorry. I don't talk politics after dinner.

Jennifer Barkley: Plus frankly, I needed a break from Washington.
Leslie Knope: Do you know Joe Biden?
Jennifer Barkley: Oh, mm-hmm.
Leslie Knope: He's on my celebrity sex list. Well, he is my celebrity sex list.
Jennifer Barkley: Oh, trust me. You can do better than Joe.
Leslie Knope: [laughing] Oh, no. I don't- I don't think I can.

Ann: Donna?
Donna: Do I look like I drink water?

Tom: Help, everything I'm wearing is suede! Everything I'm wearing is suede, everything I'm wearing is suede!

Perd Hapley: Let's begin the show by starting it. Now, Leslie, you claim the Newport campaign stole one of your ideas.
Leslie Knope: Well, uh... They did, they stole our idea. We were working on the Ramp Up Pawnee initiative for many weeks.
Jennifer Barkley: Oh, Perd. This is politics as usual. The fact is, Bobby Newport's plan is better for seniors, better for Pawnee.
Leslie Knope: Well, our plan is more practical, and it's cheaper.
Jennifer Barkley: There she goes again, Perd.
Perd Hapley: [chuckles] I don't know where she went the first time.

Jennifer Barkley: I just think our opposition is losing sight of what all this is about.
Leslie Knope: What this is about is Pawnee, and that is what I care about. What Bobby Newport cares about is romping around on some beach in Spain with a floozy.
Jennifer Barkley: [laughs] Excuse me?
Leslie Knope: Oh, maybe you hadn't heard of it. It wasn't in the New York Times or Le Monde, which is what she reads. It was in the Pawnee papers.
Jennifer Barkley: Bobby Newport's personal life is neither here nor there.
Leslie Knope: It's certainly not here. And I think Pawneeans deserve a city councilor who stays in the city, like I do.
Jennifer Barkley: Well, we were going to keep this secret until we had everything in writing, but Bobby Newport is trying to convince a major European company to open up a factory in Pawnee. And that woman that he is with is an anti-landmine advocate. I didn't realize that you were pro-landmine.
Perd Hapley: I am not here to declare a winner, but Jennifer is the winner.
Jennifer Barkley: Thank you.
Perd Hapley: Now it's time to move onto our next segment, which is a commercial.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] So apparently, Newport just fired his campaign manager because Ben was kicking his ass. Ben is the best campaign manager anyone could ever have. Every move he's made has worked. He's like a brilliant, sexy, little hummingbird.
Ben: What did you just say?
Leslie Knope: Nothing. Keep up the good work. You're doing great. [chuckles]

Leslie Knope: Why are you smiling? Why is this terrifying information making you smile?
Ben: Newport's scared. I mean, he must've shelled out a fortune to hire her.
Leslie Knope: So what do we do next?
Ben: I'm going to set up a meeting. I mean, we can size her up, but more importantly, it'll humanize you and make it harder for her to attack you. And we'll do it at JJ's Diner. Home field advantage.
Leslie Knope: As a candidate, I appreciate your strategic mind, but as woman, all I care about is your slight but powerful body.

Ron Swanson: I'd like to complete this project by... tomorrow.
Ann: Oh.
Ron Swanson: Set up shop in our office. In fact, take Leslie's desk.
Ann: Okay, I will. Thanks. Great.
April: Do you want the door open or shut?
Ann: Ah, open's fine.
April: Okay. [closes door]

Jennifer Barkley: Sorry about all these papers. I had them shipped in. I'm a news junkie.
Ben: Is this in Arabic?
Jennifer Barkley: Well, I've been reading up on you two. Ben, it's a great job on this campaign.
Ben: Oh. Well, thank you.
Jennifer Barkley: And Leslie, your Parks work, it's no joke. This is federal government caliber.
Ben: Not to sound rude, but what are you doing here? This campaign seems beneath you.
Jennifer Barkley: Yeah. Bobby Newport's daddy called me out of the blue. I'd never heard of Bobby Newport before, but it became clear in two seconds this guy is a moron. So I was, like, "Sorry, Nick. Your son is a moron. There's no way." Then he offered me a crazy amount of money. I shouldn't even tell you how much. But I will. $250,000.
Ben: Good lord. For six weeks of work?
Jennifer Barkley: I know.