Bobby Newport: [on video] Hi, I'm Bobby Newport. My dad is friends with John Cougar Mellencamp. That's pretty cool.
Leslie Knope: What is this guy running for, president of being on every channel all the time?
Ann: Reminder, Leslie, we have less than an hour to get the ad to the station.
Leslie Knope: Ann, you're beautiful and you're organized. So in order not to bias anyone, these are the two ads that Ben and I made. I'm just gonna pick one randomly, and we'll play that one first. Oh, yay, the awesome one.

Leslie Knope: Do we even want to screen yours?
Ben: Uh, yeah, that was awful.
Leslie Knope: What do you mean? Name one thing that was wrong with it.
Ben: Okay, you never even mentioned you were running for office. You literally never said the words "city council."
Leslie Knope: I did... it's implied. I didn't... we can just put it in.
[aside to camera:]
Ben: Leslie is so good at so many things and so bad at that.

Ben: [v.o. on video] Bobby Newport's been handed everything on a silver platter. His cushy job at his dad's candy company, handed to him. His 60-foot boat, Bobby's boat, handed to him when he was 12. Leslie Knope is running for City Council too, and she's earned everything she's ever gotten.
Ann: She has.
Ben: [v.o. on video] Bobby Newport wants you to just hand him this election. Don't.
Ann: I won't.
Tom: Yes, yes. I love it.
Ben: Now, people, this is an ad. It's succinct, it's punchy.
Leslie Knope: It's mean. It's depressing. It's awful. "I am Ben Wyatt, and I want to destroy Leslie's dreams."

Leslie Knope: Now I think it is time for us to take a vote. So who's in favor of Ben's ad? [all hands go up] Traitors! Ann, I painted your garage pink.
Ann: I did not ask you to do that. Leslie, look, I want you to win, and Ben's ad is just better.
Leslie Knope: Our friendship is over. No, it's not. It's not over. It's never over. Bff. I love you forever.

[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: I'm going to air a negative ad. It's out of my hands now. But you know what, I'm actually feeling very zen about this.
[cut to:]
Producer: Are you are Ben Wyatt?
Ben: Yeah.
Producer: Okay, I need that DVD in the control room.
Leslie Knope: Aah! [tackles Ben]
Ben: Oh, my God.
Leslie Knope: I am Leslie Knope, and I do not approve this message.

Leslie Knope: I'm really sorry I tackled you. It's just, I'd rather run the fake campaign ads that I made when I was ten than become negative and cynical.
Ben: Look, I really don't wanna crush your childhood dreams, but I bet in your dreams you weren't losing an election by 70 points. You need to get tougher, Leslie. You just have to.
Leslie Knope: You need to get tougher. You were pretty easy to take down.
Ben: Thanks.

Ron Swanson: For some godforsaken reason that man is suddenly determined to hang on with me.
Donna: You mean hang out?
Ron Swanson: What is wrong with him?
Donna: I don't know, he's got you doing Ben's job, eating lunch with him like Ben used to. Maybe he just misses his little buddy.

Chris: Arigato. Ron, a moment. All right, pal, level with me. What's going on?
Ron Swanson: Well, you seemed like you wanted a friend.
Chris: [laughs] No, no, no, no. I'm not lonely. I have me. And 4,000 Facebook friends and a hot girlfriend. I wanted to spend time with you, because I have to replace Ben as assistant city manager and I was giving you a tryout of sorts. Now, I'll mull my options for the next few months, but I'd love you to keep an open mind. Kyle-San! Arigato!

Bobby Newport: Good to see you. Nice to see you. You guys want anything? This is a restaurant, so they have food and stuff.
Leslie Knope: I'll take a milkshake.
Ben: We're good.
Leslie Knope: No, we're good.

Dr. Harris: Look to the left. The right. Whatever.
April: Are you the kind of doctor who gets hooked on his own drugs? I bet you are.