Jess: [sings] I'm getting married In the morning Even though it's later in the day Am I nervous? Maybe Damn, I forgot to invite Sadie Who knew my Uncle Elmer was gay?

Joan Day: Honey, you are as beautiful as the day you slid out of me.
Cece: No one is gonna be able to take their eyes off you.
Aly: You're a vision.
Jess: Really? I don't look like a pirate bride?
Aly: No.
Cece: No way.
Joan Day: Never.
Ruth: Why are we lying to her?
Cece: Not now, Ruth.

Cece: Idea. Once I am finished with your hair, no one's gonna notice anyway, okay?
Jess: Oh! Nothing that covers my shoulders. I want to make sure I leave room for the parrot.
Joan Day: It's the curse. I told you.
Cece: She slipped in the shower and scratched her cornea on a dog toy. That could happen to anyone.
Aly: Hey. People on one side of the aisle won't even notice.

Jess: Oh, God, I look like a prostitute from an Old West movie that everybody calls Winks.
Aly: Oh, my gosh, I actually arrested a prostitute named Winks once.
Jess: Was she pretty?
Aly: She was a good person, but she had her demons, like we all do. We don't need to talk about Winks.

Jess: Mom, what if it is the curse? What if I cursed my future with Nick? What if it's all downhill from here?
Cece: It's not real, okay, do not let that get into your head.
Joan Day: Sweetheart, this wedding is a wash.
Jess: Oh, my God.
Joan Day: You'll get it right the next time.
Cece: Joan...
Joan Day: Cece.

Merle Streep: Nick, I gotta tell you, Chicago Hobo is some of your best writing.
Nick: You really liked it?
Merle Streep: Oh, I loved it.
Nick: What a relief.
Merle Streep: I had no idea you had such a difficult childhood. I mean, you've seen a lot of dead dogs.
Nick: 313.
Merle Streep: Ah.

Cece: You sure you're okay? Because you seem to be in some pain back there, like you were in, I don't know, labor.
Aly: What? No, my baby loves being in here. You don't even know.
Cece: All right.
Aly: [groans] I'm fine. Get out of here.
Cece: All right.
Aly: See ya. [groans loudly]

Joan Day: Jess, honey, it's happening.
Jess: What is?
Joan Day: The curse! How often do you check your mail?
Jess: Mom, you know your girl's paperless.
Joan Day: You're being evicted.

Cece: Hey, babe. I found the hairspray, and... Oh, my God, you're in your dress. Babe, you look so beautiful. I can't believe you're finally getting married, and...
Jess: Cece! Hey! Oh, my God, I am so high. [whispering] Come here.
Cece: Mm-hmm.
Jess: I have something to tell you. Come here.
Cece: Okay, I'm here.
Jess: Uh-huh. Whatever you do, don't tell Cece.

Jess: If I look in your eyes, can you taste what I'm tasting?
Cece: Mm-hmm. Okay, we have 60 minutes till the wedding.
Jess: No, look into my googly eye.
Cece: Uh, do I have to?
Jess: Yeah.
Cece: You taste delicious vanilla cake?
Jess: No.
Cece: Damn it.