Nick: Winston.
Winston: That is a beautiful girl right there. Wow.
Coach: Just say something to her.
Nick: Yeah, just say something to her.
Winston: Shawty, what that thang do?
Coach: No.
Nick: What was that?
Winston: Dude, I think it's a nervous tic that stems from my lack of self-confidence.

Winston: Hello. I'm Winston Bishop.
KC: Winston Bishop. KC.
Winston: KC! Just be like, "Yo, KC, where JoJo at?" [laughs] In rehab, probably. He's... he was on drugs.
KC: Yeah.
Winston: Sorry. Um... I don't know what to say right now. Uh, kind of blowing this, huh? Uh... Um, I think you're very beautiful, KC, and I would like to see you again soon... like, later today for lunch?
KC: I'd love to.
Winston: Really?
KC: Here. I'm gonna put in my number... or come with me to this thing in the park I'm going to now and we can grab something after.
Winston: You know, I saw Nick Nolte in the park once. And I was like, "Yo, Nick Nolte, what you doing in the park?" And he was just like, "I'm just hanging out." Yeah, so I thought that was notable.
KC: I'm going to a rally to protest the police. Do you want to come?
Winston: Or we could just do lunch. Let's do lunch.
KC: Okay.
Winston: Yeah. Nice to... nice to meet you, KC.
[Winston walks away facing KC as he remembers his t-shirt has LAPD written on the back]

Jess: Gripped it and ripped it. You da man.
Fawn Moscato: No, say, "Fawn's the man."
Jess: Fawn's the man.
Fawn Moscato: Fawn's the man. Oh, hey, there's Yowtz. Woman's got more connections than a flight from Burbank to Sri Lanka.
Jess: Well, then, it's a good thing I bought the airport neck pillow in the gift shop, because... [chuckles] You know what that means.

Fawn Moscato: Uh, so, how-how do you feel that the networking is going?
Jess: Pretty good. I would call it, like, a solid B.
Fawn Moscato: It's a cruise ship disaster. Look, Jess, if you want those computers, we have a lot of work to do and not a lot of time to do it. Shake my hand. Gross. What is your name?
Jess: Jess?
Fawn Moscato: You have the confidence of a child that was raised in a basement. Say it with pride, and include your job title like it's the second half of your name. Like this. Fawn Moscato, City Council.
Jess: Jessica Day, Vice Principal! How the heck are you?

Dawn: [v.o.] Lighten it up with a quick joke whenever possible.
Jess: Nice shoes. Look like you chopped off Big Bird's feet, you murderer. [laughs]
Fawn Moscato: And try not to make jokes about murdering Sesame Street puppets if you can.
Jess: Good note.

Fawn Moscato: Now, tell me-- are you wearing underwear?
Jess: Oh, yeah. Big-time.
Fawn Moscato: Lose them. I never wear underwear in networking scenarios. Gives you a secret; an edge. Besides, I firmly believe that power emanates from the vagina. So, why block it?
Jess: It's not the only thing that emanates.
Fawn Moscato: What does that mean?
Jess: [quietly] Other stuff.

Jess: I should've never listened to you. I also should have never removed my underwear, because now it's drafty and I feel vulnerable to wildlife.
Fawn Moscato: Are your underwear sticking out of your pocket? Are those boys' underwear?
Jess: They're unisex. None of your business.

Winston: Can't believe I didn't tell her I was a cop. With everything that's been going on, I just... I feel like she
wouldn't respect me.
Nick: You want to know what I think?
Winston: No, Nick, I don't. This is something you can't understand.
Nick: Because I'm not black?
Winston: Uh...
Nick: What, because I don't work for NASA, I can't fix a rocket ship?
Winston: If you don't work at NASA, they're not gonna just let you walk off the street and fix a rocket ship.
Nick: You're missing my point.
Winston: Besides, you lost your right to talk to me about race during the O.J. trial.
[flashback to Young Nick and Winston watching TV:]
TV Reporter: [v.o.] ...is in the white Bronco...
Young Nick: Why does it have to be a "white" Bronco? Why not just a Bronco?

Schmidt: [answers video call] Hey, Faw... hey, Fawn.
Fawn Moscato: What the Jewish God did you do?
Schmidt: In an attempt to look less ghost-like, I put on some bronzer, but the bronzer had glitter in it, and now...
Fawn Moscato: You look like a wood carving of yourself. The press is here. And single women have proven to be less appealing to voters. Fix it and get here now. I am Fawn Moscato, and I will not miss a photo opportunity!

Schmidt: How about a fake beard? Get some double-sided tape, we can shave Winston's cat...
Cece: Okay, you know what, enough. I cannot just stand here and watch Fawn treat you like she's your pageant mom. She needs to accept you exactly how you are, or you need to find somebody that will. 'Cause I think you are fine as is.
Schmidt: Damn it. You know what, you're right. I'm gonna go talk to her. Can you drive though? I want to fix my makeup in the car. For me, not for her. I don't want to scare anybody. Ugh. I think I'm drunk from the face fumes.