Schmidt: How can I survive another nine months of pregnant Cece? She was so mean to me.
[flashback:]
Schmidt: I got your wings, my love.
Cece: I wanted all flats, no drumlets! Do they look flat to you?! [muffled grunting] Do they look flat to you?!
[present:]
Schmidt: She tried to jam the business end of a drumlet straight up my tuchus. And then things got worse. I can only describe what I experienced next as... anti-Semitic.
[flashback:]
Cece: Hey, gefilte face! Quit playing "Where's My Foreskin?" and get in here and rub my feet before I divorce your Yentl-loving, Ashkenazi ass!

Cece: Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I was a little bit moody while I was creating life with my body. Aly, can you believe this?
Aly: Well...
Cece: Well?
Aly: Okay, d-don't be mad, but I have never, ever seen anyone be pregnant the way that you were pregnant. So much so that, for evidence, I decided to capture it on my phone.
Cece: [on phone video] What genius got us a Jolly Jumper? Who got us the Jol... Okay, Vandana Auntie, way to go. You see, we already have a Jolly Jumper. So put the tuna salad down. Put it down! Tuna salad is for people who use the registry. Boo! Everybody boo. Why are you not booing?!

Schmidt: Even after seeing all those videos, I still want to have another baby with you more than anything else in the whole wide world.
Cece: Me, too, more than anything. Things are gonna be so different this time.
Schmidt: I'm gonna give you so much space.
Cece: I'm gonna be so pro-Semitic, that little beanie you wear on the top of your head is gonna spin.
Schmidt: Feels like a rough start, but I appreciate the effort. Let's go to the hotel.