Nick: Ah, so we're both going solo to the wedding.
Jess: Yeah.
Nick: We're both going drag.
Jess: I think it's stag.
Nick: Hmm?
Jess: Never mind.

Jess: Your speech wasn't that bad.
Nick: My speech was fantastic. It's the best 17 minutes of my life. I really opened up my heart.
Jess: I was gonna say.
Nick: Nah, I'm just feeling bad about Reagan. I think I came on too strong, or-or... I don't know. She told me she's leaving tonight on a train.
Jess: On a train? Where's she going, Hogwarts?
Nick: No, San Diego. I don't know if "Hog-warts" is near San Diego. I've never heard of it.
Jess: Never mind.

Priest: May this couple be blessed and be helpful to one another in all ways.
Cece: Just when I thought you couldn't make me any happier, look what you did today. You're amazing.
Schmidt: I hope for as long as we stay together, that I always remain someone that you want to hollah at.
Cece: I look forward to a lifetime of joy, growth and constant mispronunciation of common words.
Schmidt: For the first time, I see what the rest of my life looks like.
Rabbi: I now pronounce you husband and... Oh, wait, uh, we need the glass.
[Nick hands Schmidt the "Douchebag Jar"]