Cece: [on the phone] Just get here when you can, okay? We'll wait until you do.
Schmidt: You know what? Have the party without me.
Cece: Babe.
Schmidt: No. Okay, no. Have the party. We'll... We'll get married at City Hall with all the immigrants and liberals and first cousins.
Cece: Your whole life has been about this party.
Schmidt: My whole life is you. Plus, my cousin Nathan is just dying for something to go wrong. I'm so happy. I have an idea.

Jess: [on the phone] Winston, you don't have to prank the wedding anymore.
Winston: Okay, cool, cool, cool. You know, FYI, I was gonna go with a simple, classic streak.
Jess: Cece's mom showed up. Come out to the party.
Winston: [drops clothes into toilet] Oh! No! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, no! [drops phone] No! No!
Jess: Sounds like you're under water.

Coach: Winston.
Winston: [o.s.] No hay Weenstons. It's ocupados.
Coach: Winston, I know you're in there 'cause I'm looking at a picture of your butt cheeks right now.
May: Oh, that's a working class butt. Nothing wrong with that!
Winston: Mm. Give me... Give me those.
Coach: That's a fatty. You got a fatty.
Winston: This is not Winnie's day.

Winston: [on video call] Schmidt. What's up, man? I know I'm wearing a photo booth curtain right now. That does not take away from how incredibly happy I am for the both of you.
Schmidt: Thank you. Winston, I'm going to get off this plane soon. [Winston drops the iPad on the ground between his legs] Oh, dear Lord! Winston! Pick it up! Don't squat!

Schmidt: What are you guys doing here? It's the middle of the night.
Winston: [chuckles]
Schmidt: Ow! Winston! The hell is wrong with you?
Winston: We use that stuff to revive passed-out derelicts.
Nick: Come on, buddy. We got to get you ready.
Schmidt: What?
Nick: [to Winston] You already sprayed that.
Winston: Yes...
Nick: You don't have to spray it again. Honestly, dude, you're ruining it.

Cece: You want to get married?
Schmidt: I don't think that I can wait another second.

Jess: Hey. I'm just getting Cece some leggings for the hora. Can't have everybody seeing the bridal bouquet.
Nick: I don't know what you said to Reagan, but I want to say thank you, because she wants to go for it with me. She wants to do this.
Jess: Well, that's awesome. Congratulations.
Nick: Yeah, I'm freaking out. I can't believe it. I mean, why does she want to be with me? It doesn't make any sense. You of all people know that I'm just the weird detour you take before you find the guy you want to be with. I basically just help women realize that they could do a lot better...
Jess: Stop it, Nick! I'm tired of you being the only person who doesn't see how incredible you are.
Nick: Okay. I'm, uh, I'm incredible.
Jess: Yes, you're incredible.
Nick: All right, thanks. All right, I'm booking a ticket. A ticket...?
Jess: Yeah, Reagan is going to New Orleans for work for three months and she asked me to go with her, and... I'm gonna do it.