Jess: Hello, wall. Prepare to be naked.

Jess: She's a girl who we like, and she's lived there before.
Nick: I know. And then that gets us out of the whole "Here's what you need to know about Winston" conversation.
Jess: That's always a long weekend.
Nick: I know.
Jess: She would overlap with Schmidt and Cece. And six people is a violation of the loft agreement. But loft agreements are reached to be amended.

Cece: Great. Okay, so this is what I'm seeing...
Winston: A boar's head over the fireplace with a decorative pedestal backing.
Cece: Or...
Winston: How did I know that?

Cece: What do you think?
Schmidt: I love it.
Cece: You do? Because I know that our tastes haven't always jived.
[flashback to Schmidt and Cece at a hardware store:]
Cece: [press doorbell which plays "La Cucaracha"]
Schmidt: You think that we're greeting people in our home to "La Cucaracha"!
[present:]
Schmidt: This is the paint swatch choice of a serious interior designer.
Cece: You should save that for when we renew our vows.

Winston: Huh, that's a pretty color.
Schmidt: Ooh-ee, yes, it is. For a third world doctor's office.
Winston: I love this. What is this, yellow?

Jess: I call to order this off-site loft meeting. Nick, you have the floor.
Nick: I propose Reagan move into the loft. She is a... likable girl who is not Coach. Thank you very much for your time.
Jess: As cosponsor of this bill, it has my full and unconditional support. Full and unconditional support. Today, we will vote to amend the... No More Than Five Damn People May Live in This Loft at Any One Time Act. Formerly the... No More Than Four Damn People May Live in This Loft at Any One Time Act. We will be voting as is our custom by secret ballot. The vote must be unanimous.
Winston: What'd you write?
Schmidt: Shh.
Jess: Okay. Three yays, two nays?
Nick: What? What the hell?! Even after my speech?

Jess: So the two votes against Reagan moving in must be Schmidt and Winston.
Nick: Thank God you had these magnets.
Jess: Yeah, well they're a backup housewarming gift for Schmidt and Cece in case my quilt guy screws me again. Thank God you found this mysteriously sticky wall.

Nick: Let's go get Schmidt and Winston and change their votes. I can't believe those two.
Jess: You stay here and wait.
Nick: I can't. I'm going too crazy. I'm coming with you.
Jess: Nick, you're way too invested. Plus, it's tacky to whip your own votes. We both know that never works with these guys. Schmidt, Winston... prepare to be buttonholed.
Nick: Did you just say "buttonholed"? I mean whatever you got to do, Jess, but gross.

Winston: [gasps]
Schmidt: Thank you, Winston. Now I feel validated.
Winston: No, no, no, no. I just figured out why I know this house. You see, it's in my favorite... school district.
Schmidt: That's nice.
Winston: Yeah.

Nick: You got this on a heavy rotation.
Winston: Super heavy rotation.
Nick: Please don't dance while we're watching porn videos together.
Winston: Oh, sorry about that. But I mean this is Schmidt and Cece's fireplace, right?
Nick: It looks like it, doesn't it? But if it is... he can never know.
Winston: [quietly] Oh, come on... Nick.
Nick: You know that. He can never know.
Winston: Yes, but we're already keeping five secrets from him. The secret vault is full.
Nick: That's not true. We only have four. We have a slot open.
Winston: You always forget. Lost umbrella.
Nick: I forgot about lost umbrella. I always forget about lost umbrella.
Winston: [chuckling] That's why it was lost.