Jess: I knew you guys needed to say good-bye. [chuckles] Isn't it amazing how easy it is to do the right thing when you have no other alternative?
Winston: Totally. [chuckles] Like this. Ah, the old loft candy dish. [inhales deeply]
Schmidt: That's the cast from when I broke my pen1s.
Winston: [screams] Shut up!
Schmidt: You know, most people wouldn't want to revisit some of the more painful moments in their lives, but, you know what, Jess, thank you for this, 'cause I do. Thank you.
Jess: Oh, Schmidt, you take that. [Schmidt stammers] You're gonna want it. Honestly, it's your penis. You earned it.

Jess: [sings] Who's that girl? Who's that girl? It's your favorite bitch, Jess Hang on to your privates 'cause I'm On emotional fy-ahh [imitates guitar]
Nick: Don't look so surprised, guys. You knew what this was.
Jess: [vocalizing]

Winston: Ah, we had some times here. Mmm. I mean this, right here, right where I'm sitting, is the exact spot that I realized: I should have less salt in my diet.
[flashback to Winston alone on the couch:]
Winston: I should have less salt in my diet.
[present:]
Nick: That's beautiful, man. Stay healthy, baby.
Schmidt: Good memories.

Jess: Oh, my God. This is the spot, where, for the weirdest minute of my life, I was super attracted to Winston.
Cece: No.
Schmidt: We've all been there.
Winston: It was my swimmer's body.
[flashback:]
Winston: Ooh. Ooh, hey. Yeah, they got me on bike duty today. My hammies need to get into some jammies because they are rock-hard. Yes. [sultry music plays] Oh, yeah. That's good stuff. You feel that? You hear that? Yeah.
[present:]
All: Oh!
Jess: Oh, it went away pretty quick.
[flashback:]
Winston: [shrieks] I tore my anus. I tore my anus. Oh.

Cece: I was sitting right here when I first introduced you guys to my hilarious baby voice.
[flashback:]
Cece: Uh-oh, look who just woke up. [high-pitched] I'm a baby. I'm a baby and I need my milkie. Where's my Ba-ba?
Nick: What are you doing?
Winston: Put that baby away.
Schmidt: Babies can't talk. It's inherently flawed.

Winston: And right over there is where Cece and I had our first mess around.
Cece: What? Don't tell them.
Winston: It's time for the mess around to become the confess around.

Nick: Wow, it's so frickin' creamy.
Schmidt: This is what I've been telling you.
Nick: It's really cool. It actually kind of feels nice. [Jess chuckles] I mean, I got to say, I really like foot lotion.
Schmidt: Thank you.
Nick: They should make more foot lotion for your hand. Foot lotion hand. Or... foot-lotion hand. I don't know. You should use this for elbows. You should use lotion for dry parts of your skin. [chuckles] It's really creamy. For the first time in my life, I realize my feet could be more than weapons.

Schmidt: I love you, man.
Nick: Oh, yeah, that's... Well, yeah, man. I, uh...
Jess: [whispering] Is he gonna finally say it?
Schmidt: Guys, don't-don't put any pressure on him.
Nick: No, what? Dude, you're not putting pressure on me. It's something I want to say.
Schmidt: You don't have to say it.
Nick: I don't need to say anything. I want to say it.
Schmidt: You never said it before.
Nick: I love you, man.

Schmidt: Well, I guess I'll call Yonk and tell him to get cozy. [groans] Ugh, I can hear Yonk now. [with accent] "Mr. Schmidt, I got thirsty. I drank all your coconut water." Freakin' Yonk.

Schmidt: [answers phone] You're on with Schmidt and Cece.
Ruth: Ruth's on!
Jess: Hey, you're on with Jess and Nick. I'm patching in Winston, Aly and Dan Bill.
Schmidt: Are we really calling him Dan Bill? It sounds like a weird town in Connecticut.
Aly: It's their child. Their mistake to make, okay? [Muzak playing]
Schmidt: Mm. That's a nice touch.
Cece: Yeah, good vibe, good vibe.