Winston: [answers phone] Hella?
Jess: It's Jess and Nick. I'm patching in Schmidt, Cece and Ruth. [beeps] Cece, Schmidt and Ruth, you're on with Jess, Nick, Winston, Aly and Dan Bill.
Cece: Hey, Jess, Nick, Dan Bill... Winston and Aly.
Schmidt: Hey, Winston, Dan Bill... Jess and Nick.
Ruth: Who are these people?
Winston: Hey, Schmidt, Cece, Ruth, Jess and Nick.

Jess: [on group call] Guys, I only have the strength to say this once. Here I go. Oh, God, how do I put this into words?
Schmidt: Okay, make it quick, 'cause my phone is at four percent, and Ruth has turned my charger into a very sensible belt.
Aly: Schmidt, just switch your phone to low battery mode. It really lengthens battery life.
Schmidt: How do you do that? Walk me through it. Go to Utilities.
Winston: No, no, Settings. Go to Settings.
Schmidt: Okay, well, I'm-I'm in Settings.
Jess: Guys, please...
Schmidt: Oh, shoot. Now I'm at three percent.
Jess: I have something important to say!
Winston: And then, uh, open your Control Center.
Aly: Battery. Select Battery.
Nick: Enough! Jess has something really important to say, so everybody shut up!

Schmidt: What is it?
Winston: You're getting divorced? Well, that lasted a month.

Jess: Okay, okay, you guys process this however you need to. You're probably wondering why we would ever move out in the first place.
Cece: Yeah, honey, you should've moved out when the elevator plunged into the basement and killed the mailman.

Jess: Luckily, Nick and I found a very nice two-bedroom with a lovely reading nook. That doesn't matter. The point is, we're moving out tomorrow, and I know how much this place means to you guys, so... whatever you're thinking or feeling, I want you to get it out. So whoever wants to go first... Okay, I don't think you guys fully heard me. [chuckles] So I'm gonna say it again. Nick and I are m...

Jess: Wow, you guys are in so much denial. You're so upset by this news that you're distracting yourself with nonsense like-like succulents and newborn babies.
Schmidt: Uh, we left Ruth with our neighbor's stepson, Yonk, so we're gonna go.
Cece: Yeah, honey, we're not in denial, okay? We've just done everything we need to do in this loft. We're ready to say good-bye.
Jess: Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah, Cece, you're right. You're totally right. You're all... totally right. [locks door] Or are you wrong?! Nobody leaves until we celebrate this place! [groaning] Okay? So call your sitters, call your babies, get all your affairs in order. I'm gonna go open a bottle of wine. Pink okay?

Winston: Okay, why are we hiding in your office?
Nick: Because, guys, look, I love my wife. You guys know that I love my wife. But she's clearly going through something about us leaving the loft. It's like... it's like she's having a really hard time getting her mouth around the sandwich, do you know what I mean? If you guys want to get out of here, which I know you do, then you will laugh when she says laugh, you will cry when she says cry, and in between, we're gonna pack.

Nick: I only have the moving truck for 24 hours. If I go one minute over, those bastards will charge me for a whole nother day. If you get a whole nother day, might as well get a second week. You get a second week, you might as well buy the truck, 'cause you're livin' in it, Charlie! You live in a mo... The point I'm trying to make is we need to pack right now.

Schmidt: I love packing. You wouldn't believe how good I am at fitting multiple things into small spaces. I'm a bento box boy.

Schmidt: What's in that box?
Nick: What?
Schmidt: What's the box that says "gross stuff," man?
Nick: Jessica's underpants.
Schmidt: You have Jess's panties in a box? Well, while I'm delighted that you have a box... labeled "gross stuff" of your wife's... undergarments, uh, I also feel like you may be lying to me.