Nick: Hey! I put the mug out. Okay? And, actually, nothing happened, and I regret nothing. Now, I'm going to my room, and I'm considering throwing out my sunglasses.

Jess: Great. So we're cool.
Nick: I'm cool if you're cool.
Jess: Fanterstic. I'm going to knit a scarf for Coach.
Nick: I'm sure he'll love it.
Jess: Okay, bye.
Nick: Thanks for the chat.
Jess: Sayonara. [exits, returns] Hey, Nick, uh, do you want to know why I put the mug out?
Nick: We're cool!
Jess: We're cool.
Nick: Go knit that scarf.

Schmidt: Why are you so secure? You're filled with things that nobody wants!

Wally: Well, we seem to be in a bit of a conundrum. How do I know this is your box? Do you have any identification, "Cece"?
Schmidt: Cece's my ex-girlfriend; it's a box of her things. But I can tell you everything that's in there. There's some paintings, erotic writings, there's a brassiere.
Wally: Why would you have her brassiere?
Schmidt: Well, you know, she left it in my car, and I kept it.
Wally: She never asked for it back?
Schmidt: Okay, um, Wally, look, it's a box of memories. Memories that I'm not ready to let go of yet.
Wally: Maybe if I could talk to Cece...
Schmidt: Can't talk to Cece; Cece's on top of a mountain. Look, I know this is unusual, but I need that box back, Wally. I need it back more than anything else I've ever needed in my life. Please.
Wally: Does she know she's on the mountain, or is she being held there against her will?
Schmidt: Damn it, Wally, give me the box!
Winston: No! No! No! No! [blows whistle]
Schmidt: Wally! Stop blowing the whistle! You're sexually safe!

Nick: Do you really think I haven't thought about putting this mug out?
Jess: Oh, I don't know, Nick. You said it. What's past is past. Clean break.
Nick: Think about my living conditions for the past year. I live across the hall from my beautiful ex-girlfriend. And your living conditions... you live across the hall from your beautiful ex-boyfriend. Two true beauties.
Jess: So you have thought about it.
Nick: I'm a man. I am a human man.
Jess: Interesting.
Nick: You're the one who's always getting out of that shower in that little towel, Jess. Or you're wearing your glitter or your pantyhose. They're driving me crazy! Okay? I know how hard it is to get those pantyhose up, and I just... I just sometimes want to rip 'em down.
Jess: Just admit it, Miller! You're thinking about putting the mug down right now!
Nick: No. Admit that you want me to be thinking about it.
Jess: I don't want you to think about it, so stop thinking about it.
Nick: Well stop talking about it and then I'll stop thinking about it.
Jess: So, you are thinking about it?
Nick: Look, Jess! I'm not not... thinking about it.

Schmidt: Hey, guys. Want to know what happened to me today?
Jess & Nick: We're kind of in the middle of something...
Schmidt: Fine, I'll tell you. I spent $500 to get back a five dollar bill. Go ahead, call me a fool. You won't be the first person to call me that today.
[flashback:]
Wally: You're a fool!
[present:]
Schmidt: I need to move on. I'm never gonna get Cece back. And I know it's my fault that I lost her.
Nick: You lost her twice. You had her...
Schmidt: I know I lost her twice. Why would you have to...?
Nick: Then you got her, then you blew it. Then you got her...
Schmidt: Who are you clarifying this for?

Jess: Are you sure you know how Cece feels about you?
Nick: Yeah, I mean, she said a thousand times that she only wants to be friends with me.
Jess: Schmidt...
Schmidt: Jess, Cece doesn't love me and she never will. So I think it's time to let go. Nick, I want you to have this five dollars.
Nick: What?
Schmidt: Go buy yourself something special, like a burrito.
Nick: I love burritos.

Jess: Oh, I have to tell you something, Schmidt! I... But I can't tell you. So, I'll... I'll tell you. Loophole! Nick... Cece's in love with Schmidt.
Nick: What?
Jess: Yeah.
Nick: For real?
Jess: Well... Also, Winston promised...
Schmidt: Why are we talking about Winston?! Cece loves me! Nick, we did it! I got to go!

Schmidt: Can't wait for Cece to get back from her trip. I'm going after her. Coach... I used to wish that you were uglier. I don't wish that anymore. I only wish you the best.
Coach: Hey, you're the handsome one in the loft now. Big responsibility, but I think you're ready.

Nick: I think it's time.
Jess: It's time.
[Nick hands Jess the "Ass Strat" mug. She drops it into the trash can]
Nick: Clean break?
Jess: Clean... break. [they high-five]