Winston: So it's official. Christmas is canceled.
Jess: No, Christmas is not canceled. Christmas gifts are how you show the people you love that you care in a very special, magical and highly mandatory way.
Nick: You want me to shop until I drop, and I don't want to drop.

Jess: Also, to that point, we're all in danger of revealing ourselves through little clues such as... cave man wrapping skills.
Nick: I got mozzarella sticks for fingers. You're making this very stressful, Jess.

Winston: I don't have a gift for tonight now.
Schmidt: Well, this is not my problem, Winston.
Winston: Oh, no, it is your problem.
Schmidt: Oh, you had me?
Winston: I did not have Jess, I did not have Nick, I do not have you. It's fairly obvious who I do have.
Schmidt: ... I figured it out. You have Cece.
Winston: Oh.
Schmidt: My Cece. My Cece can't go gift-less.
Winston: I like to think of her as our Cece.

Robby: Jess, Nick is still gonna enjoy seeing Reagan, even if it means she's just gonna hang out with him at the bar.
Jess: Yeah, it's the thought that counts.
Robby: Yeah.
Jess: If you're in the lump of coal business!

Nick: Thank you, Jess. And thank you for what you said about being with the people you care about on Christmas.
Jess: Oh, you're welcome. I-I meant it.
Nick: And that is why I bought a ticket... to go to Seattle to be with Reagan tonight.
Jess: Oh... F... [sings]La-la, la-la, la-la, la-la.

Nick: All right. So how do I surprise Reagan. Here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking I go dressed as a fireman, I knock on the door, I reveal myself to be a stripper, and then I reveal myself to be Nick.
Jess: How does that even... uh... Are you sure you want to go to Seattle? I mean, it's Seattle. Ew.
Nick: I mean, it was... it was basically your idea, right?
Jess: Why don't we just get you home to...
Nick: I got no time. I'm on a no-fly list, so I need to leave right now. Checking in is very difficult.
Jess: Why not just take that name literally, and you no fly?
Nick: Off to Seattle.

Jess: Wait, Nick! No! No! I can't let you go! Your hair looks so stupid!
Nick: What?
Jess: You look like a total dork.
Nick: My hair looks stupid, I look like a total dork?
Jess: We can't let TSA see you like this.
Nick: But I've had this haircut for a little bit now.
Jess: I know.
Nick: You let me go to work, though?
Jess: It just looks particularly bad right this minute.
Nick: Then I'll just go like this. How about now?
Jess: No. Mm-mm. Didn't fix it.

Nick: I get the impression you don't want me to go to Seattle.
Jess: That's because I don't want you to go to Seattle.
Nick: Well, why not?
Jess: I can't tell you.
Nick: I mean, I-is this about Reagan? Do you not like her?
Jess: No, I like Reagan... she looks like the front of a ship come alive. Heh.

Nick: Is that why you've been acting so weird?
Jess: I haven't been acting weird.
Nick: You've been weird since the day I got back from New Orleans. You're acting really squirrelly. You don't think I've noticed, but I've noticed.
Jess: Okay, you're way off base.
Nick: I mean, what is it? I took your advice... I'm gonna be with somebody who I find really special on Christmas.
Jess: Nick...
Nick: But, surprise, I've still done something wrong.
Jess: Don't go to Seattle. Trust me.
Nick: Why is nothing I do ever good enough for you? What do you want from me? I'm doing everything I can here!
Jess: Nick, I'm flying Reagan out from Seattle to surprise you. I'm your Secret Santa, you jerk. [exits]
Nick: So this is what it feels like to be instantly sorry.

Schmidt: Where is everyone? I thought this place would be crazy.
Geoff: Ha-ha-ha! Yeah, those were the days. Now people prefer to shop online. My grandfather opened this store. Now it closes with me. So, to answer your question, yes, I do drink.
Winston: Um... hey, we're looking for a beanbag chair.
Geoff: Hey! We have one.
Winston: Nice!
Geoff: Heck, I'll go get it for you. I'm not doing anything.
Winston: Great, great. Brick and mortar, baby.