Geoff: Here's the beanbag chair.
Winston: Yeah, stores are the best.
Geoff: Hey, you guys want to go get lunch or something?
Winston: Nah. How much is it?
Geoff: It's $249.99.
Winston: What? For a beanbag chair?
Schmidt: For a beanbag chair?
Geoff: Well, we have a cheaper one... we're just, we're out of stock. I could order it for you, but it would take seven to ten days.
Winston: Man, stores are the worst.
Schmidt: The admiral will take this.

Jess: All right, Cece. That big boy's for you.
Schmidt: What in the hell is that? Winston, what'd you do with the thing we just bought?
Cece: [gasps] Beanbag chair! Beanbag chair! It's from Winston!
Winston: They had to make it out of this dumb blanket.
Cece: Winston, you remembered our game night. I love it.
Schmidt: You do?
Winston: She does.
Cece: I do.
Schmidt: Well, you know what, Winston? You were right... it's the perfect gift. I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact that my wife is a little bit weirder than I thought she was.
Winston: It's a prototype, you know? The real one's on its way. Didn't have a lot of beans, so I had to pad it with rice and oatmeal.

Jess: All right, well, whoever got Schmidt better have brought it, 'cause Winston set the bar really high.
Schmidt: Oh, here we go, here we go. Here we go. Ooh...
Cece: Ooh...
Schmidt: Cashmere socks! Dayanu! [Cece chuckles] Well, it's not Winston, it's not Jess. Cece?
Cece: No. No, it's not me.
Nick: I got you, boy.
Schmidt: No way.
Nick: I got you.
Schmidt: This is you?
Nick: This is me.
Schmidt: Nicholas! [laughs]
Nick: Yeah, come on.
Schmidt: I don't know why I'm finding the image of you mispronouncing the word "cashmere" in a store... to be so joyful.
Nick: "Cadsh-mer."

Winston: Ha-ha! I get one? Oh, man.
Nick: Yeah. Everybody gets one.
Winston: That's crazy. I get one, too. You know.
Nick: Yeah, everybody does.
Winston: Aah! For me? Oh, my stars! A check made out to my phone company? Cece, girl, is this for that night
we got bombed and called Iceland?
Cece: You know it is!

Schmidt: Okay, hold on, wait a minute, I had... I had Winston, too. Somebody got left out. Who didn't get one?
Winston: Oh, Winnie got two gifts?
Schmidt: That's for Winston.
Cece: Yeah.
Jess: Oh... no, no, it's... it's fine. It's... it's my fault. I must have gotten so tipsy on Halloween, I forgot to write down my own name. See? It's right there in the song. He makes a list, he checks it twice. See, this is probably why Santa stopped drinking.

Cece: I feel horrible.
Nick: You have no idea. She and I got in a thing. I said something so stupid.
Reagan: [door opens] Sleigh!
Others: Hey, Reagan.
Reagan: Really? Do you know how hard it was to put this thing on in an airplane bathroom?
Schmidt: Do I.

Nick: Hey, I wanted to say that I'm sorry about what I said.
Jess: I know you are. Thanks.
Nick: I also want to say thank you. Even though I knew Reagan was coming, when I saw her I felt like it was Christmas morning and I was ten. But a ten-year-old about to have sex... with Santa! And it was... yeah,
this is getting weird. Anyway, I just wanted to say... I'm sorry and thank you.

Cece: Marcia Clark cleaned that party out.
Jess: I can't believe nobody got our costumes.
Schmidt: I know. I'm not Shapiro. I'm very clearly Travolta playing Shapiro. "Where-where is the... Where did the Juice go? Is he back on the freeway?"

Nick: Uh, Jess, Winston has something he would like to tell you.
Winston: Oh!
Nick: Go ahead, Winston.
Winston: What? Oh, yeah, yeah, from... We did rock-paper-scissors. Okay. Well, you know, well, we were all thinking, and we were all on the same page. [sighs] We were thinking that... maybe we don't do Christmas this year.
Jess: You know, that would be a great seminar topic... in a school for demons!

Jess: What is going on here? Christmas isn't stressful.
Winston: Babe.
Cece: You get more stressed out by Christmas than anyone I know.
[flashback to Jess turning on the Christmas lights:]
Jess: The spirit of Christmas. [electrical hissing, booming clack] Son of a whore!
Cece: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Jess: [yelling]
[present:]
Jess: In my defense, I hadn't slept for six days. But I do see your point.