Natalie: I had to come. I realized something about the frogs.
Adrian Monk: What frogs?
Natalie: On that 911 call there were no frogs in the background. You were there. Remember how loud they were? That call was definitely made from someplace else.
Adrian Monk: Not necessarily. Maybe they just weren't croaking. Maybe they were tired.
Natalie: Frogs don't get tired.
Adrian Monk: You don't think they get-
Natalie: No, I don't.
Adrian Monk: Believe me. Frogs get tired. The hopping and the thing with the tongue. You try hopping around and catching flies. You wouldn't last ten minutes.

Captain Stottlemeyer: As a butler?
Lieutenant Disher: A house manager. They prefer house manager.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why?
Adrian Monk: I'm good at it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, you're good at this. You're good at being a cop.
Adrian Monk: Really? The department doesn't seem to think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, I get it. Those sons of bitches and the hiring freeze. Look, Monk, I told you I am working on that, okay? Just give me a little more time.
Adrian Monk: It's too late, Captain. I've moved on. It's a new dawn.
Lieutenant Disher: What about Natalie?
Adrian Monk: I'm hoping that Natalie will remain in my employ. There is a position opening up in the kitchen. Speaking of kitchens, I really must get back. I have a duck in the oven that's not going to braise itself. And the master is very particular about that sort of thing. [exits]

Hal Tucker: What's this?
Adrian Monk: That's bubble wrap. Protect the apple.
Hal Tucker: Did they do this for you?
Adrian Monk: No, no. I bring my own. They- They always tease me about it.
Hal Tucker: Yeah, well, who's laughing now? Look at that thing. It's perfect. Where as mine it's all bruised and scuffed up. You're a genius.
Adrian Monk: I don't know about genius.
Hal Tucker: I like your style, ya know? You know, you play by your own rules.
Adrian Monk: That's one way of lookin' at it, I guess.

Hal Tucker: Ah, here. Hey, you're, ah, you're missin' two eggs here.
Adrian Monk: No, no. I only buy ten at a time. I know, it's crazy.
Hal Tucker: No, it makes perfect sense to me.
Adrian Monk: It does?
Hal Tucker: Yeah, I mean, why have a decimal system if you're not gonna use it? Ten at a time, it's brilliant. I mean, why 12?
Adrian Monk: Exactly. Twelve's so arbitrary.

Natalie: Mr. Monk. Did you hear what he just said?
Adrian Monk: No.
Natalie: He said it's almost impossible to catch.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. In that sentence, for me, the word "almost" is really the most interesting word.

Adrian Monk: Isn't this great?
Dr. Kroger: Yeah. It's pretty great.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I'm having trouble sleeping. I think I'm developing a fear of blankets. Is there a name for that?
Dr. Kroger: I- I don't think so.
Adrian Monk: Uh-oh.

Natalie: Is that Harold's file? Are you allowed to do that?
Adrian Monk: Look, I knew it. I knew it! "Paranoia, acute narcissism. Patient believes Adrian Monk is obsessed with him." If anybody is obsessed with anybody, he is obsessed with me. I've been telling Dr. Kroger that for years. We talk about it all the time.
Natalie: Okay, but Mr. Monk, you should not be reading this. How would you feel if someone read your file?
Adrian Monk: My file?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Oh, I just had a theory about the case. I was checking a suspect.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, that's your file.
Adrian Monk: Well, you can't rule anybody out.

Natalie: I've always been kind of curious about this place.
Adrian Monk: Yep. This is where it all doesn't happen.

Adrian Monk: The last time I saw you was Mischief Night. You and your friends were throwing toilet paper everywhere, right?
Todd: Mischief Night. That's right.
Adrian Monk: Right.
Todd: I don't remember you.
Adrian Monk: I wasn't with you. I was following you. I was cleaning up.
Todd: Was that you?

Adrian Monk: Wait. I can't go. The boat is on the water. I don't do water.
Natalie: You can't swim?
Adrian Monk: To be honest, I don't know.
Natalie: You don't know.
Adrian Monk: I mean, I know how to swim technically. I've just never actually, you know, done it. All right, I took a correspondence course.
Natalie: You learned to swim by mail?
Adrian Monk: They sent me a little diploma. And this.
Natalie: "Swimming Fundamentals. Don't panic. Breathe normally. Keep kicking."
Adrian Monk: Can I have that back?
Natalie: Why did you even take the course? You never go near the water.
Adrian Monk: Hello? Tsunamis.