Adrian Monk Quote #1971
Adrian Monk: Hello, Dale.
Dale Biederbeck: Adrian Monk. Why am I not surprised?
Adrian Monk: I tried to call, but apparently your phone's been disconnected.
Dale Biederbeck: Yes, I should've done it years ago. Fewer distractions.
Adrian Monk: I see they took your bed and your computer.
Dale Biederbeck: They were cluttering up the room. You know me, Monk. I've always been a simple man of philosophic joys.
Adrian Monk: And they're making you eat in the cafeteria now. That can't be fun. At least you won't be eating alone. Your little friend Sheriff Rollins will be joining you soon. He's talking to the D.A. right now. Telling him everything about how you hired Frank Nunn to plant that bomb and then killed Nunn and tried to frame me for it. Might want to save a seat for the Lieutenant Governor too.
Dale Biederbeck: Are you having fun?
Adrian Monk: No. But it's as close as I'm ever gonna get.
Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer
Natalie: I have to talk to you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Natalie, what are you doing?
Natalie: Is this him? It's him, isn't it? He's the "Car Wash Columbo."
Captain Stottlemeyer: "Car Wash Columbo". Uh, Reginald, we need to take a break.
Reginald: Cool, I'll wait outside.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Nice try, kid. Jackson, could you baby-sit my young friend here for a minute? Go on.
Natalie: It's him, isn't it? [off Stottlemeyer's look] Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. [hitting Stottlemeyer] Why didn't you tell me?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Natalie, Natalie, Natalie, Natalie. I am so sorry.
Natalie: You're sorry?! But how?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Bulletproof vest. We couldn't tell anybody. "Leland Rodriguez"?
Natalie: That's his name.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, that's just stupid.
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Lieutenant Disher: Hey, Captain. Are you okay?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?
Lieutenant Disher: No reason. Rollins is still in the office. The guys are wearing these for Monk. We weren't sure if you wanted to wear it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Of course I do, Randy. Thank you. [Disher holds up another arm band] Uh, two?
Lieutenant Disher: For the other arm.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Right.
Lieutenant Disher: To make it even.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Make 'em even. Monk.
Quote from Mr. Monk and the Daredevil
Natalie: Where are you going?
Adrian Monk: Bathroom.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why? [Monk is silent] I'll go with you.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, let me go with you.
Natalie: We promised Dr. Kroger we wouldn't leave you alone.
Adrian Monk: I am not suicidal. I just wish I was never born. There's a difference.
Quote from Mr. Monk Is At Your Service
Natalie: Are you afraid of frogs?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I've never been this close to one. [A frog lands on Monk's shoe] Yes. The answer is yes. Put frogs on the list. Where's the list?
Natalie: I got it. I got it. Where does it go?
Adrian Monk: Put them between possums and, uh, soccer riots. No, no, no. Uh, after after soccer riots. And before, uh, before hailstones. Yeah, so it goes...
Natalie: I got it, I got it: Soccer riots, frogs, hailstones.
Adrian Monk: At least now we know. Information really is power.