Miss Lovara: Don't worry about them. They know how to fall. That's the first thing we learn. You brought your camera, Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: Oh, sure. I love it here. It's so upbeat.
Miss Lovara: You hate it here. You think I can walk. You're trying to catch me.
Adrian Monk: You're right. I was.
Miss Lovara: You saw the X-rays, Mr. Monk. How can I walk on this? I'm curious. What is your theory?
Adrian Monk: Some people have a very high threshold for pain. They can take it.
Miss Lovara: Nice try. But any doctor will tell you it's impossible. Besides, I was married to Sergei for 15 years. It's enough pain for a lifetime.
Adrian Monk: You fell two weeks ago, is that right?
Miss Lovara: Mmm. Your point?
Adrian Monk: Your cast. Looks... Looks like new. No scuff marks. It's not even discolored.
Miss Lovara: Again, nice try. My old one was itching.
Adrian Monk: Ah.
Miss Lovara: So I put a new one on four days ago. The show is about to begin, you are missing it.
Adrian Monk: You're wrong, Natasia. I'm not missing a thing.

Cannonball: Are you guys about done?
Lieutenant Disher: Sir, could you please step back? This is official police business.
Cannonball: Maybe I should come to your office and root through your stuff. How'd you like that? Huh?
Lieutenant Disher: I hate that cannonball.

Benjy: I'm gonna go play some video games.
Adrian Monk: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't forget about your bike. If you don't do it, your mom's gonna have to do it. Just give her a break.
Benjy: Okay.
Sharona: What did you say?
Adrian Monk: Noth- Nothing.
Sharona: No. No, no, no. Don't be scared. It was good. You said, "Let's give her a break." That was empathy. That means you're thinking about how I felt. I think you're getting it now.
Adrian Monk: I am. So, we're back to where we were?
Sharona: No. But it's a start.

Sharona: Fine. I'll do it.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, maybe you should do it. You mind if I sit down?
Sharona: What do you want in your cocoa?
Adrian Monk: Do you have any of those little marshmallows?
Sharona: How many? Ten?
Adrian Monk: Eight. I'll have eight. Eight's good. Make it eight.
Sharona: Here.
Adrian Monk: One...
Sharona: There's eight. You don't have to count.
Adrian Monk: Four, five, six...

Captain Stottlemeyer: This isn't only about Sergei, ma'am. You're also the suspect in the murder of Edgar Heinz, the elephant trainer.
Miss Lovara: Don't be ridiculous. That was an accident. Tragic.
Adrian Monk: No. It was homicide, premeditated, and we have the murder weapon right here. Lieutenant! You waited for Mr. Heinz to put his head under Dede's foot. And then you gave the command for the elephant to stomp. She is well trained, weighs over four tons. A perfect killing machine.
Sharona: Adrian, Adrian. I got to go. Just tell me what happened. Tell me what-
Miss Lovara: But I was nowhere near the pen when it happened.
Adrian Monk: That's true. You weren't there. You gave the command from across the midway over a walkie-talkie. Lieutenant, could you check behind the elephant's ear?
Lieutenant Disher: Got it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Careful with that, Randy. We need the prints.

Adrian Monk: Why kill Edgar Heinz? Well, you had no choice. He knew that you had murdered your ex-husband that Monday night. [A clown appears behind Monk]
Miss Lovara: Mr. Monk, you are demented.
Adrian Monk: Nevertheless, you did it. [to the clown] Excuse me. I'm- I'm summing up the case here.
Miss Lovara: The killer ran away. My foot is broken. You saw the X-ray.
Adrian Monk: All week I've been asking the wrong question. I've been asking if your foot was broken. I should have been asking when your foot was broken. It's true. You fell during a show two weeks ago. But it wasn't an accident. You said it yourself the first thing you learn is how to fall. I'm guessing it was one of the best performances of your life, Natasia. And your fear of hospitals came in quite handy. There was no X-ray. Everyone just accepted the fact that your foot was broken. [to the clown] What is your problem?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, clown. Take a walk.
Adrian Monk: The night of the murder, you slipped out of your cast and followed your ex-husband and his girlfriend. You waited until they were in a crowded restaurant. You needed witnesses to see you running. That was the key to your plan. I wasn't there, but I heard you were dazzling. You really are the Queen of the Sky.
Miss Lovara: An interesting theory, Mr. Monk. Perhaps you'd like to X-ray my foot again.
Adrian Monk: No need for that. I'm quite sure it really is broken.
Miss Lovara: Good.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Now. You knew you'd be a suspect, and you knew that we'd want an X-ray.
Adrian Monk: It's not an easy thing to do breaking your own foot. After the murder, you came back here. It was late. Everyone was sleeping. Everyone except Dede's trainer. His trailer was right there. He probably woke up and looked outside. Can't somebody do something about this clown?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, I'm a police officer. Knock it off. Go ahead.
Miss Lovara: Like Tolstoy, you know how to tell a clever story. But you need proof. The elephant isn't talking. Anyone could have put that radio thing in her ear.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, take that down to the laboratory straightaway.
Adrian Monk: I don't think they'll find any prints. She's too smart. I'm sure she wiped it down. Then again, that walkie looks brand new. Which means she had to put batteries in it. You did remember to wipe your prints off the batteries, didn't you, Natasia?

Clown: Wocka wocka!
Captain Stottlemeyer: All right. That's it, freak! You're under arrest.
Clown: For what?
Captain Stottlemeyer: For impersonating an officer!

Adrian Monk: I think I stepped in something.
Sharona: Where?
Adrian Monk: It's right here.
Sharona: I don't see anything.
Adrian Monk: I definitely stepped in something. I have to go home.
Sharona: We just got here.
Adrian Monk: I want to go home.
Sharona: Just suck it up.
Adrian Monk: I don't think it's my turn to suck it up. I think it's your turn to suck it up.
Benjy: Hey, why don't you both suck it up?
Sharona: Excuse me. Do you kiss your mom with that mouth?
Benjy: No.
Sharona: You should. Come here.

Adrian Monk: A leopard and panther wrangler?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yep. He works with the leopards and the panthers, and he's got a. 454 Ruger Casull handgun, which he says he can't find.
Lieutenant Disher: He had the hots for the horse trainer the vic was seeing. And get this, he's a trapeze artist wannabe. He's been practicing. They say he's pretty good.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And that's how we spell "primary suspect."
Adrian Monk: Hmm. He's left-handed.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, yeah. He works in the circus.
Adrian Monk: What's that supposed to mean?
Captain Stottlemeyer: They're freaks. They're all ambidextrous.
Adrian Monk: Says who?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Circus people are ambidextrous. I read that somewhere.