Captain Stottlemeyer: All right. For once, the witnesses are all on the same page. They all saw the perp jump to this table and then leaped up to this bar and did a somersault, and then over the valet, runs down the street and makes a left turn down the alley.
Adrian Monk: Is there a circus in town?
Captain Stottlemeyer: [laughing] Circus? Circus? That makes a lot of sense.
Lieutenant Disher: Sir?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah.
Lieutenant Disher: We just got a positive on the victim. He's the master of ceremony at the Dratch and Denby Traveling Circus.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Master of ceremony?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, the ringmaster.
Captain Stottlemeyer: At the circus?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Circus.
Adrian Monk: Circus.

Adrian Monk: What are you doing? What are you- Don't- Don't touch the horse.
Sharona: Why not?
Adrian Monk: People sit on that. Sweaty circus people. No offense. You want a wipe?
Sharona: Will it make you happy?
Adrian Monk: No. Take a wipe.

Ariana Dakkar: She tried to kill him before, six months ago. But there wasn't enough evidence to indict her.
Sharona: If you knew who did it, why didn't you go to the police?
Adrian Monk: She was afraid. You're not a citizen yet, but you're about to take your naturalization test. She was afraid to draw attention to herself.
Ariana Dakkar: How did you know that?
Adrian Monk: That pamphlet in your bag. You're studying the U.S. Constitution, something no citizen would ever do. Good luck, by the way.

Lieutenant Disher: Nikolai Petroff?
Nikolai Petroff: Who's asking?
Lieutenant Disher: This shiny little piece of metal's asking. Are you Nikolai Petroff?
Nikolai Petroff: Are you trying to scare me? Huh? This pussycat weighs a couple hundred pounds. It could rip me apart in a heartbeat. I ain't scared of her. You think I'm scared of you?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Excuse me. You may not be scared of the lieutenant, but you've got plenty of reason to be scared of me. 'Cause I got a little cage like that downtown. It's not much bigger than that, actually. It's not a whole lot friendlier. And if you obstruct my investigation, sir, for one moment further, you're gonna spend some time in it.

Adrian Monk: I'm Adrian Monk. This is my assistant, Sharona. [Sharona is silent] She'll say hello later. I'm... We're... I'm investigating the murder of your ex-husband.
Miss Lovara: Of course. Whatever I can do. [shakes Monk's hand] Wipe.
Sharona: Suck it up.
Adrian Monk: Okay.

Adrian Monk: I like the ex-wife. You should have seen her. She's cold as ice.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Cold as ice with a broken foot.
Adrian Monk: She's got a bad temper.
Captain Stottlemeyer: A bad temper with a broken foot.
Adrian Monk: You keep coming back to the foot.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, the killer did a somersault and then ran away in front of witnesses.
Adrian Monk: That's precisely why I think it's her. Why else would the killer jump around like that in front of witnesses? There's only one reason, to prove... [Sharona drinks from Monk's water bottle] To prove that she could.
Sharona: Suck it up.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Are you guys all right?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, we're fine.
Sharona: Fine.

Captain Stottlemeyer: You know, when Karen and I were having trouble last year, we went to a marriage counselor guy named Mosely. Decent guy. He didn't help us much, but I'm sure Karen has the number if you'd like...
Sharona: We're not married. And if we ever get married, shoot me.
Adrian Monk: You know who you should never marry? The Elephant Man.
Sharona: I'd marry the Elephant Man before I'd marry you!

Adrian Monk: What are you doing? You don't smoke.
Sharona: Do now.
Adrian Monk: This is a hospital, for God's sake. You can't smoke in here.
Sharona: So? Suck it up.
Adrian Monk: Okay. I'll suck it up.

Miss Lovara: Mr. Monk. Do you mind? I can't open it myself.
Adrian Monk: Can't you?
Miss Lovara: You saw the X-rays. Do you have any other questions?
Adrian Monk: Just one. How did you do it?
Miss Lovara: I like you, Mr. Monk. You appear to be a careful and cautious man. But inside, in your mind, you're like me. You are up there working without a net, risking everything. It is the only way to live. Am I right?

Sharona: [answers phone] Hello?
Adrian Monk: It's me, Adrian. Adrian Monk, y-your boss.
Sharona: I know. What do you want?
Adrian Monk: I'm at the circus. I thought that you were gonna meet me here.
Sharona: I told you I was taking the day off.
Adrian Monk: Are allowed to do that?
Sharona: No, so fire me. Please. It'll be my birthday present. Got your flowers.
Adrian Monk: Oh, good. Good.
Sharona: The card was blank.
Adrian Monk: I know. I- I didn't know what to say, so I just I just left it blank. How did you know they were from me?
Sharona: All the same height. And all the flowers have the exact same number of petals on 'em.