Adrian Monk: Hey! Hey, you looked good out there.
Benjy: What game were you watching? I sucked.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. You did, kind of. Listen, Benjy, do me a favor, and, uh, just... your mom thinks I'm givin' you a pep talk.
Benjy: Why?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I don't know. Because I'm a guy. You're... We're two guys. I don't know. I don't know. Look, just kind of nod your head and pretend I'm giving you some good advice.

Captain Stottlemeyer: This is gonna be a circus. Give me your tie. Give me your tie.
Lieutenant Disher: How'd the game go?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, this is a double homicide.
Lieutenant Disher: Sorry.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I can't talk about the game. We beat 'em 3-1. Jared pitched the whole game. He gave up two hits.
Lieutenant Disher: Really?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. Eight strikeouts. Bring them up to speed, all right? Walk 'em through it. I gotta go do my dog and pony show.

Lieutenant Disher: We found the casings. The shooter comes in here pop, pop, pop, pop... four rounds into the wife.
Sharona: Oh, my God.
Adrian Monk: He shot the wife first?
Lieutenant Disher: Then Hammond. Hammond was shot once, but it wasn't fatal. He tried to get away.
Sharona: Oh, my God.
Lieutenant Disher: He gets out, runs. The shooter gets back into his car, runs him down.
Sharona: Oh, my God.
Lieutenant Disher: Hammond still wasn't dead.
Sharona: Oh, my God.
Lieutenant Disher: In the morning, he crawled away.
Sharona: Oh, my God!
Lieutenant Disher: He crawled for two and a half miles. [Monk looks to Sharona, but she's stunned into silence]
Truck driver found him.

Lieutenant Disher: This is Norm Mosely. He was the truck driver who found Lawrence Hammond.
Adrian Monk: Was Mr. Hammond dead when you found him?
Norm Mosely: He was barely hangin' on. He died before the paramedics showed up.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Did he say anything?
Norm Mosely: Yes, sir. He said, "Girls can't eat 15 pizzas."
Captain Stottlemeyer: Come again?
Norm Mosely: "Girls can't eat 15 pizzas."
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is that it?
Norm Mosely: Yes, sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You sure?
Norm Mosely: He said it, like, five times. Then he died.
Captain Stottlemeyer: "Girls can't eat 15 pizzas"? What the hell does that mean?
Sharona: Well, it's true. They can't.
Lieutenant Disher: It depends. How many girls are we talkin' about?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hang on. Were there any girls nearby eating pizza?
Norm Mosely: No, sir. I figured he was delirious, but he kept saying it.
Adrian Monk: "Girls can't eat 15 pizzas." Nah. No, no. Forget it. No. Never mind. Never mind.

Sharona: Hello, Mrs. Jenkins. I'm so sorry to bother you. Um, I'm Sharona Fleming, and this is my boss, Adrian Monk.
Robin Jenkins: You're with the police?
Sharona: Not really.
Adrian Monk: Yes, I'm with the police. Used to be on the force.
Sharona: We help the police. We're private consultants.
Adrian Monk: I was discharged.
Sharona: It's a long story.

Sharona: You know, separate bedrooms might've saved my marriage.

Adrian Monk: "Girls can't eat 15 pizzas."
Robin Jenkins: Pardon me?
Adrian Monk: Those were Mr. Hammond's last words. Does it mean anything to you?
Robin Jenkins: "Girls"
Sharona: "Girls can't eat 15 pizzas."
Robin Jenkins: What girls?
Sharona: We don't know.
Robin Jenkins: Maybe they've got stomachache from the pizza.
Sharona: Uh... No.

Scott Gregorio: I miss her so much. They say when people lose a leg, they can still feel it. That's what it feels like.
Adrian Monk: I know.
Scott Gregorio: How do you just keep going? How do you keep working?
Adrian Monk: When Trudy fell in love with me, I was a detective. I was on the street breaking cases. So I keep working. I keep trying to be the man she loved. That's all you can do. Be the man she loved.

Scott Gregorio: Hey, Benjy. Don't forget help.
Sharona: What's help?
Scott Gregorio: H-E-L-P. Hands together. Elbows up. Level swing. Patience.
Adrian Monk: H-E-L-P.
Scott Gregorio: Yeah. It helps to remember it. It's... What do you call it?
Adrian Monk: Mnemonic device. Sharona, call the captain!

Captain Stottlemeyer: G-C-E-1-5-P. "Girls can't eat 15 pizzas."
Adrian Monk: It was a mnemonic device.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I understand. That's good work, Monk.
Adrian Monk: I remembered how the housekeeper said Lawrence Hammond never forgot a birthday. A lot of successful people use little tricks to memorize information.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I said I understand.
Adrian Monk: Obviously, Hammond made up the phrase to help him remember the license plate of the car that ran him down. "G" stands for "girl."
Sharona: Adrian. Adrian. He gets it, okay? We all get it.
Adrian Monk: "Girls can't eat 15 pizzas."