Adrian Monk: I know that face. I just cannot remember where I've seen it.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian. Adrian, let's put the face aside for a minute. Let's put the case aside for a while, and we're gonna talk about your life. I mean, after all, Adrian, that is what you're paying me for, okay? So, I understand you've been spending a lot of time with Benjy. Now, how does that feel?
Adrian Monk: Oh, he's a great kid.
Dr. Kroger: Yes, I know that. I'm asking how does that feel?
Adrian Monk: It hurts. It hurts to be with him.
Dr. Kroger: Why? You and Trudy ever talk about having kids?
Adrian Monk: Trudy used to bring it up. I said there was no rush. We had all the time in the world. Could've, should've, would've.

Sharona: Are you okay? You know who killed the Hammonds, don't you? Adrian, you are a great detective.
A terrible umpire, but a great detective.

Adrian Monk: Can I make a prediction here? You're each going to say "Oh, my God" twice.
Sharona: Okay, okay. Here it is. Don't blink.
Voiceover: [on TV] Baseball's Darryl Grant can break the single-season record for home runs, but one thing he can't break is any storm window made by-
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, my God.
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, my God.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, my-
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, my God.
Adrian Monk: My God.

Adrian Monk: What would happen, I wonder, if Scott Gregorio broke Darryl Grant's record.
Walker Browning: I don't know.
Lieutenant Disher: I'll tell you what would happen. That three million dollar baseball would suddenly be worth roughly nothing.
Walker Browning: Yeah, but it doesn't matter, 'cause, uh Well, the slump Gregorio's in, he's not gonna be breakin' any records.
Adrian Monk: You made sure of that, didn't you, Walker? when you murdered the woman he loved. Catching that ball must have been the best day of your life. A few weeks ago, you decided to sell it, but you discovered there were no buyers because the record was about to be broken.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So you panicked. You had to protect your investment.
Adrian Monk: You went after Gregorio outside the stadium. You were trying to break a leg or an arm or anything to keep him out of the lineup. But that didn't work.
Captain Stottlemeyer: After that, he was surrounded by bodyguards 24/7. You knew you'd never have another chance.
Sharona: But he was vulnerable in another way. He was in love with Lawrence Hammond's wife, and you knew it. [dog barks]
Adrian Monk: Okay, has that dog been fed recently?
Walker Browning: Hammond the millionaire? This is insane.
Adrian Monk: You knew Hammond's schedule. The board of directors meeting was well publicized. The night before, you broke into his garage and replaced his global positioning disk with one you programmed yourself.
Hammond followed the directions, and all you had to do was wait.
Sharona: And all because you wanted to sell a baseball.
Walker Browning: No, no. No. You can't prove any of this.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Here's a little tip for you, Walker. Next time you wipe down a stolen car, make sure that you get the adjustment bar under the driver's side seat, because we lifted a thumbprint, and I'm betting it's yours.
Walker Browning: [dog barks] Toby! Achtung.
Adrian Monk: I'm done, right? I think I'm done. Am I done?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Stop. Stop. Monk, stop!
Adrian Monk: I'm just gonna leave.

Sharona: I wish you were at the game yesterday. Benjy hit two singles and a double. I'm so proud of him.
Adrian Monk: You should be.
Sharona: Next time, he's gonna bat cleanup. Sounds like something you would do. Cleanup. Get it?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I get it.

Adrian Monk: Well, it's kind of fitting, though, don't you think?
Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: Nobody ends up with the money. A dog chews it all up.
Sharona: This dog just chewed up three million dollars, and I can't even afford a tank of gas.
Adrian Monk: So you're holding, what, about $20,000 right there. You could put three, four tanks of premium in your car with that. You know what? Consider that a Christmas bonus.
Sharona: Like you would ever give me a Christmas bonus.
Adrian Monk: I want you to go out and buy yourself something pretty.
Sharona: Yeah. Right.
Adrian Monk: Don't save it. You don't have to save the money.

Adrian Monk: Trudy and I almost bought this house.
Sharona: Really? Adrian, you made a joke. You were joking. You feeling okay?