Adrian Monk: Whoa, where are you going? What, what- Wait. Wait. What are you- What are you doing? What-
Sharona: I can't get it off my finger. I need some soap.
Adrian Monk: This is my bathroom.
Sharona: What am I supposed to use?
Adrian Monk: There's another bathroom downstairs.
Sharona: Well, how's that gonna look? We're supposed to be married.
Adrian Monk: Just hold it in until later, and then sneak downstairs.
Sharona: Did you just tell me to "hold it in"?
Adrian Monk: Hold it in, please.
Sharona: Please. You know what? You know what? I really hate being your wife. I hate it. I mean, after only 45 minutes, it's worse than my first marriage.
Adrian Monk: Be careful.
Sharona: Here. Take it back. Take it back. I want a divorce.
Dr. Waterford: Mmm. Looks like we got our work cut out for us, huh?

Dr. Waterford: Oh. Who's this?
Adrian Monk: Uh, that's my first wife. She died six years ago.
Dr. Waterford: Six years ago? Oh, Adrian, I think obsessing over your late wife is the root cause of your problem. And if Sharona's drinking, maybe this is the reason, huh? [goes to pack Trudy's photo away]
Adrian Monk: Uh, don't.
Sharona: Don't.
Adrian Monk: Wait.
Sharona: Doctor, Doctor. Doctor, It's okay. It's very important to him, and I really don't mind.
Adrian Monk: She really doesn't mind.
Dr. Waterford: We're moving forward this weekend, Adrian, not backwards. It's time to let go. I'm going to dedicate this weekend to helping you forget the past.

Sharona: Are you gonna stand?
Adrian Monk: I'm fine. I'm- I'm- I'm fine. [leaning over] Is that my sandwich?
Sharona: We're never gonna get away with this. They're never gonna believe that we're really married.
Adrian Monk: We have nothing in common. I annoy you all the time. Why wouldn't they believe it?

Dr. Waterford: Let's try a little role reversal. Jeffrey, why don't you pretend to be Rachel. Rachel, you be Jeffrey, and-
Sharona: [to Dalton] Uh, excuse me. What's your problem?
Dalton Padron: Me?
Sharona: What was that look?
Dalton Padron: What look?
Sharona: Did you just wink at me?
Dalton Padron: What? No. Are you crazy?
Sharona: W- W- Wait. You're calling me crazy? I just saw you wink at me. Oh, my God!
Adrian Monk: What are you doing?
Sharona: Aren't you gonna do something about this? Oh, of course not. Why should today be any different than any other day? Just sit there, and I'll defend my own honor. Thank you.
Dr. Waterford: Sharona, you're feeling hurt. I can tell. Why don't we all just count to 10?
Sharona: No, no. Stay out of this. This is between me and Dalton.
Dalton Padron: I wasn't winking. Maybe I had somethin' in my eye. I don't-
Maria Disher: Excuse me. He couldn't be interested in you. He's not physically able to you know perform. He stepped on a land mine during Desert Storm. Tell them.
Dalton Padron: That's right.
Sharona: [shoves Dalton] Keep your eyes to yourself! Keep 'em to yourself!
Dr. Waterford: Settle down. Sit down. Sit down! Settle down and sit down. Now, it's all over. Everybody gets angry. It's perfectly normal. But we cannot allow anger to drive the bus. Anger has to sit in the back of the bus, or at the very least, it needs to stay behind the yellow line. Because anger is a terrible driver.

Sharona: I knew this tent would come in handy. Why don't we just tell Maria what we know?
Adrian Monk: She won't believe us not without proof. Why would she? I'm a I'm a cowardly mop salesman, and you're my crazy, alcoholic wife who attacked her husband.
Sharona: Well, we should at least call Randy. She'd believe her own son.
Adrian Monk: She hasn't believed him so far.

Sharona: You have a flashlight?
Adrian Monk: On my key chain.
Sharona: Why didn't you say anything?
Adrian Monk: It's only for emergencies.

Dr. Waterford: You know, there are many kinds of cave-ins. There are real cave-ins, and then there are emotionaI cave-ins.
Maria Disher: What were you doing there anyway?
Sharona: Oh, we were just exploring. We're amateur spelunkers.
Adrian Monk: We were spelunking. We love it... Spelunking around.
Dalton Padron: Did you find anything interesting?
Adrian Monk: Not yet. Did you?

Dr. Waterford: Adrian, Sharona, while you were out, I happened to look into your room, and I couldn't help but notice that Sharona is sleeping in a pup tent on the floor. The photo of your late wife is in a place of honor on the mantel above the fireplace, while your current wife is sleeping on the floor. Dear God, I... I don't know where to begin. Adrian, Sharona, you loved each other once. You wouldn't be wearing those rings if you didn't, right?
Adrian Monk: Right.
Dr. Waterford: Adrian, Sharona, I want you to look at each other, and I want you to say, "I love you." And don't just say the words. Feel the words. Go ahead.
Sharona: I love you.
Adrian Monk: ... I love you.
Dr. Waterford: That was very good. Now I want you to kiss. And not just any kiss. I want you to communicate everything that you mean to each other and all of what you hope for. Go ahead.
Adrian Monk: Eh, we don't kiss.
Sharona: Yeah, it's just not our style.
Dr. Waterford: Well, then your new life begins right here, right now. Go ahead. Kiss.
[Sharona and Monk eventually kiss for the briefest, most awkward of moments]
Dr. Waterford: Oh, that was so nice.

Sharona: "I wonder if anyone's ever really been knocked over by a feather. It would have to be a pretty big bird."
Adrian Monk: You know what's in this one? He copied the first three books of the Bible. Word for word.
Sharona: This guy's certifiable. Sure he's not related to you?
Adrian Monk: That's funny. That's funny. Keep reading.

Sharona: What is it?
Adrian Monk: The answer.
Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: That's what Skinner said in his letter: "Where is the gold?" "The answer is in the journals." This book must be over 600 pages, but the journal weighs more.
Sharona: The book covers are made of gold.
Adrian Monk: No. No, it's leather. It's ordinary leather. Where is the gold? The answer isn't in the journals. The answer is, "In the journals."