Cab Driver: Hey, I'm a big fan!
Adrian Monk: Thank you very much.
Cab Driver: Not you. The Lotto girl. You'll thank me later!
Natalie: That's not actually my line. Mr. Monk said it first!

Malcolm O'Dwyer: These are some numbers I'mthinking of playing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, Malcolm, don't worry. Nobody's gonna steal your numbers.
Malcolm O'Dwyer: You'd be a fool not to. These six numbers aren't just chosen at random.They're my own algorithm based on probability, emerging number patterns the theories of Sir Isaac Newton.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Isaac Newton. Really? There's just six numbers. You only buy one ticket a week?
Malcolm O'Dwyer: That's all I need. How many do you buy?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, it depends. Twenty. [O'Dwyer laughs] Ah, you're just shotgunning it, huh? Rookie move.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, how much have you won?
Malcolm O'Dwyer: How much ever or how much this year?
Lieutenant Disher: Let's say ever.
Malcolm O'Dwyer: Zero. It's not just about winning or losing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's the lottery! It's all about winning. What else is there?
Malcolm O'Dwyer: The journey, Captain! It's how you get there. I'd rather lose my way then win a $20 million jackpot your way.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay. I think we're through here.
Lieutenant Disher: You think you're pretty clever, don't you, Mr. Lottery expert? Well, I've got news for you. We've got your number.

Captain Stottlemeyer: What a shame. Just a kid. At least he didn't hit anybody when he jumped.
Adrian Monk: Are we sure he jumped? "Tired of losing." Not much of a note.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Brevity, the soul of wit.
Adrian Monk: But he was a writer. Look at all these letters. No, there's something weird about this.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, look around you. That note's probably the least weird thing in the whole apartment. This is the birthplace of weird.
Adrian Monk: But why today? This guy was a lottery nut. Isn't tomorrow night the big jackpot?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. Yeah, he probably knew he'd never win, which makes him a whole lot smarter than me.

Adrian Monk: Murder! Or suicide. Or murder. It's a tough call. Yeah, this is a tough one. In many ways this reminds me of the killer astronaut case I solved last year. You probably read about it.

Natalie: [on TV] And our final number for $212 million is...
Captain Stottlemeyer: 54. 54. 54.
Natalie: ... 54! Making tonight's final gold rush numbers 25, 62, 12, 15, 33, and 54.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [laughs] Oh, my dear lord! All day I had this feeling.
Adrian Monk: Congratulations. Are you gonna quit?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What? You kidding? I quit 30 seconds ago when the 54 ball popped out of the drum. [laughs] Come here, you big beautiful no longer hypothetical boat! Randy, do you still have those student loans?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I got eight more years.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Not anymore!
Lieutenant Disher: No way. No way, I love you! Yes, thank you! Thank you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't believe it. Wait, 200 what?
Lieutenant Disher: $212 million!
Captain Stottlemeyer: I gotta call my kids. I gotta find a good accountant. Hey, I can buy a good accountant. I can buy 20 good accountants! I hit the jackpot!
Lieutenant Disher: Captain just won the lottery!

Natalie: They said we cheated.
Adrian Monk: Why? Just because you know the Captain? Okay, I mean, it looks bad, but it's not impossible.
Natalie: No, it's not just that. They said they have proof. They checked the equipment. There was something wrong with the machine. It was rigged.
Adrian Monk: Rigged.
Natalie: They said I'mgoing to jail. Mr. Monk, I sorry I said I quit. I'm sorry.
Adrian Monk: Okay, okay.
Natalie: You have to help me.

Lotto Commissioner: Good morning, Ms. Teeger. Captain. You and your friend Mr. Monk wantes to see what evidence we had. Well, here it is.
Stan Lawrence: Before we begin, is there anything you want to say to the lottery commissioner?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yep. I'm not a cheater. Neither is Natalie. That's all I have to say.
Lotto Commissioner: Well, I'm afraid we can prove otherwise, Captain Stottlemeyer. After the drawing, we received a phone call. An anonymous tip. I asked Mr. Lawrence to check it out.
Stan Lawrence: I reviewed the tape from Monday night's show. I didn't see anything suspicious, so we examined the machine itself. We examined the balls. We measured them. We weighed them. We were bouncing them, and everything seemed perfectly normal.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So what's the problem?
Stan Lawrence: This is the problem...
Natalie: The same numbers?

Stan Lawrence: The same numbers.
Captain Stottlemeyer: But that's not possible.
Lotto Commissioner: That's what we thought. So we tried again.
Stan Lawrence: And again. And again. And the same six numbers kept popping up. Not always in the same order, but they very same numbers. How did that happen?
Captain Stottlemeyer: They're very lucky numbers.
Adrian Monk: Metallic paint.
Lotto Commissioner: Very good, Mr. Monk. We took a closer look. The numbers on these six balls, and only these six balls, were painted with metal-based paint. All the others are acrylic-based.
Adrian Monk: There's a magnet in the microphone.
Lotto Commissioner: Right again, Mr. Monk.
Stan Lawrence: An electromagnet, battery-operated. Strong enough to pull these six balls and only these balls up the chute.
Natalie: Well, we didn't put that there.
Lotto Commissioner: Oh, Ms. Teeger, please. Don't insult us. You started working here two weeks ago. You had access to the equipment. Suddenly your friend wins what? $106 million.
Stan Lawrence: I suggest you both get good lawyers.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, Monk. Monk, you got anything?
Adrian Monk: There were two winners. What happened to the other man? The truck driver.
Lotto Commissioner: Eugene Maddox. We've already talked to his lawyers. He's agreed not to sue us in exchange for a rather generous settlement.
Adrian Monk: I'm sure he did.

Billy Logan: You think I rigged the super jackpot?
Adrian Monk: That's right.
Billy Logan: So, okay, if I rigged the lottery, if if I'm so smart, why would I let this hammerhead win half the money?
Adrian Monk: You didn't want to, you didn't plan on it, but you got fired.
Billy Logan: Because of her.
Natalie: Hey, there were cables on the floor. Somebody could've gotten killed.
Billy Logan: They were duct taped down. Nobody was tripping on it.
Adrian Monk: Okay, okay.
Billy Logan: I told you about her.