Captain Stottlemeyer Quote #342
Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer in Mr. Monk Gets Lotto Fever
Natalie: [on TV] And our final number for $212 million is...
Captain Stottlemeyer: 54. 54. 54.
Natalie: ... 54! Making tonight's final gold rush numbers 25, 62, 12, 15, 33, and 54.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [laughs] Oh, my dear lord! All day I had this feeling.
Adrian Monk: Congratulations. Are you gonna quit?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What? You kidding? I quit 30 seconds ago when the 54 ball popped out of the drum. [laughs] Come here, you big beautiful no longer hypothetical boat! Randy, do you still have those student loans?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I got eight more years.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Not anymore!
Lieutenant Disher: No way. No way, I love you! Yes, thank you! Thank you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't believe it. Wait, 200 what?
Lieutenant Disher: $212 million!
Captain Stottlemeyer: I gotta call my kids. I gotta find a good accountant. Hey, I can buy a good accountant. I can buy 20 good accountants! I hit the jackpot!
Lieutenant Disher: Captain just won the lottery!
‘Mr. Monk Gets Lotto Fever’ Quotes
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Captain Stottlemeyer: What's that? "It looks like her number came up."
Lieutenant Disher: It's a zinger. She's a lotto girl. Her number came up. Get it? You remember last year Sergeant Beecham shoved that junkie into a lamp post, and he said, "I'll keep you posted."
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, yeah. I heard about that.
Lieutenant Disher: Everybody heard about it. I mean, people were repeating it. It was famous. This is even better. This is a classic.
Captain Stottlemeyer: If you say so.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I just need to find the right moment.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: Or maybe I just feel insulted.
Dr. Bell: Insulted?
Adrian Monk: What I do is hard. I am out there. I am sweating out every clue. I'm putting killers behind bars. What does she do? What does she do?! [picks up calendar] 91. Number 91! 91. Number 91. I mean, how hard is that? A talking monkey could do her job. It's embarrassing.
Dr. Bell: Actually, that's 16. See, you're holding it upside down.
Adrian Monk: Oh, it's confusing. There's usually a little line under the nine.
Dr. Bell: It goes under the six. The line goes under the six.
Adrian Monk: I'm pretty sure it's the nine.
Dr. Bell: It's no big deal. I've seen it my whole life.
Adrian Monk: I've never seen it under the six.
Dr. Bell: Why don't we ask Natalie then? She's the expert.
Adrian Monk: Okay, okay.
Dr. Bell: But I see your point. About the monkey.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: I know, but here's the thing. Tomorrow is Wednesday. Oh, we already made plans.
Natalie: What plans? Me making dinner while you vacuum the rug?
Adrian Monk: Exactly. And here's the other thing. If I let you take a night off, I have to let everybody take a night off.
Natalie: Who's everybody? What are you talking about? It's just me.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, come on. It's one night.
Adrian Monk: Well, then I'll guess I'll just have to say no... Kay. No kay. No kay.
Stan Lawrence: Which is it? "No" or "okay?"
Adrian Monk: Nokay. Nokay.
Natalie: He's trying to say okay. That's as close as he's ever gonna get.
Stan Lawrence: Nokay?
Adrian Monk: Nokay.