Adrian Monk: Where did you get that painting?
Dr. Bell: I love that piece. It's from Charles Kroger's office. I asked Madeline if I could have it.
Adrian Monk: Huh. It doesn't look right in here.
Dr. Bell: I miss him too.

Jake Phillips: Hey, congratulations. Yeah, I couldn't help overhearing. You got yourself a house, huh?
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Jake Phillips: it's a great feeling. Pride of ownership.
Adrian Monk: Right.
Jake Phillips: You know, if you want, I could drill a couple more holes into that for you.
Adrian Monk: Really?
Jake Phillips: Oh, it'd just take a couple seconds. I'm the same way about my shower. Very particular. My girlfriend says I'm obsessive about it.
Adrian Monk: I get that all the time.
Jake Phillips: Do you? Here, let me give you this. Jake Phillips, handyman. Answer to a homeowner's prayers, right there.
Adrian Monk: "'Honest' Jake, no job too small or too dirty."
Jake Phillips: That's right. Now hang on to that. Because you're moving in to a new place. And if something's creakin' or bulgin' or leakin' or crackin', who you gonna call? Who ya gonna call?
Adrian Monk: Honest Jake.
Jake Phillips: [chuckles] That's me!

Adrian Monk: And here is another bathroom. For a total of two bathrooms. [Natalie chuckles] That is a claw foot bathtub, which is something I've always wanted.
Natalie: It is?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. I just didn't know it.

Adrian Monk: Another wall. Hallway. More walls. Another wall. And we're back in the living room.
Natalie: I can't believe it. You actually did it.
Adrian Monk: Uh, that's a new rug. Don't just stand on it. You have to keep moving.
Natalie: Moving?
Adrian Monk: So it doesn't wear out in one place.
Natalie: Oh, you mean like this?
Adrian Monk: Maybe wider circles.
Natalie: Okay, I'm just gonna stand over here.

Adrian Monk: So what do you think?
Natalie: I like it. I do. I think you're gonna be really hap- You're gonna be...
Adrian Monk: Happy.
Natalie: Happy.
Adrian Monk: I already am. I should have done this years ago.
Natalie: And you don't miss your old apartment?
Adrian Monk: Why should i?
Natalie: Because Trudy was there. And this house is not the same. And you're not a big fan of not the same.
Adrian Monk: Well, maybe I've matured. [Natalie is silent] I said, maybe I've matured.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, I was raised in an older house. There are going to be problems. There always are. And you just can't call the super. You know? You're it. You're- You're responsible.
Adrian Monk: That's what I love about it. I have never been responsible for anything. I want to be responsible.
Natalie: You do?
Adrian Monk: I want to be part of something. Something real. Something permanent. Natalie, I'm... I'm home.

Natalie: Okay, let's celebrate. I'm gonna open up some of that sparkling cider. Uh, so I would like to make a toast. Here you go. To your house. No, to your home. May it finally bring you the peace-
Adrian Monk: Shut up, shut up, shut- Shut it.
Natalie: What?
Adrian Monk: Shut. That light fixture. It's off-center.
Natalie: What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Come on, Mr. Monk. Come on. It's no big deal. I didn't even notice it.
Adrian Monk: Closer to 4.
Natalie: Okay, here. Hold this. Why don't we just- Look. Just gonna move the table. How's that?
Adrian Monk: You're right. That's it. That's much better. Thank you.
Natalie: Okay. All right. So, to you-
Adrian Monk: Now the table's not centered on the rug.
Natalie: Okay, that's it. Um, I'm outta here. I'll see you tomorrow.

Adrian Monk: I really appreciate this. I mean, on such short notice.
Jake Phillips: Oh, I appreciate the business.
Adrian Monk: Well, you see, it's not quite centered.
Jake Phillips: Absolutely, yeah. That would drive anybody crazy. All right, let's take a look at this puppy, shall we? All right. This is gonna be easy. Piece of cake. A little walk in the park here. You know what we're gonna do, we're gonna reattach this fixture to a parallel support beam. It's gonna be good as new.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I hope so. Be careful.
Jake Phillips: Yeah, all right. You're a little bit of a Nervous Nellie, are you? I got a cousin like you. He makes coffee nervous.

Jake Phillips: Uh-oh.
Adrian Monk: Uh-oh? What- What- What uh-oh?
Jake Phillips: Your wires are all frayed. The connection is rusted.
Adrian Monk: Oh, what- What- What does it mean?
Jake Phillips: Well, it means you're not up to code, my friend. This is a fire trap. Okay, we're gonna have to run a new line to here. We're gonna have to go through that wall. Feed it up over here-
Adrian Monk: Oh, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, wait. I love that wall. That's- That's my third favorite wall.
Jake Phillips: Adrian, I'm a surgeon. Just gonna be like taking out an appendix. Little incision. Snip, snip, snip. Pop over with the wire and the fixture. Little spackle. Little paint.
Adrian Monk: Is it- Is it going to be, you know, like, messy?
Jake Phillips: Nah, no way. Won't even know I was here.

Jake Phillips: Uh-oh?
Adrian Monk: Again uh-oh?
Jake Phillips: I do not like the look of this. All right, we got a little prob-la-reeno. It's what we call a glitch.
Adrian Monk: Oh, okay.
Jake Phillips: See this pipe? Right there? It's a primary water line. It's corroded.
Adrian Monk: Of course it is.
Jake Phillips: Almost all the way through. Could burst any time. I thought- I thought you got this place inspected.
Adrian Monk: I did, I did.
Jake Phillips: Was the guy blind in both eyes?

Jake Phillips: All right, listen to me, Adrian. I gotta be honest with you. Because I respect you very much. This whole section has to go.
Adrian Monk: Oh, no.
Jake Phillips: Right here, which means this wall, that wall, and this half of the floor.
Adrian Monk: What about that half?
Jake Phillips: That's gonna have to come up too. But I know a great plumber. His name is Ramone. They call him Honest Ramone.
Adrian Monk: Of course they do.