Claire: How's it going in here?
Phil: Great. You just take advantage of your first Thanksgiving not sweating over a hot stove and having to sit down to dinner all gross and grumpy and exhausted.
Luke: Yeah, this year, you can finally be in a good mood.
Claire: Well, I was until this little riff.

Luke: I still don't get why you passed up a free trip.
Manny: Because they're meeting twelve women who call my mom "la tranquila", the quiet one.

Phil: I know how hard it is for you to hand over the reins, but you have got to trust me.
Claire: I do trust you. It's just easy to forget the little things.
Phil: I'm not going to forget anything. Now go. [to Haley and Manny] You two need to run to the grocery store. I forgot green beans, yams, and cranberry sauce.

Alex: What's in the crib?
Claire: What crib? You're a crib. Shouldn't you be studying?
Alex: Well, I'm done with my midterms. I finished my college essay. And I was just about to go on a bike ride. Why are you acting so guilty?
Claire: You're guilty.
Alex: How did I ever get to be a champion debater?

Mitchell: Oh, my gosh. You got to be kidding me. Not this again.
Cameron: What? She said her eggs were watery, so I made her a waffle. Please don't make a thing out of it. I've seen you send food back. Remember that time in Miami?
Mitchell: Okay, first of all, this isn't a restaurant. Secondly, my bisque had a tooth in it.
Cameron: It was a shell.
Mitchell: There was a filling in it.

Manny: Long story short, if you pour it, it's cranberry sauce. But I'm sorry, if you slice it, it's cranberry jelly.
Haley: I'm literally driving as fast as this car can go.

Nigella Lawson: [on phone app] Now, Philip, cover the breast and legs with a buttered cheesecloth.
Haley: That thing's a little creepy.
Phil: You're a little creepy.

Claire: Do you ever feel jealous of them?
Alex: You do, too?
Claire: Oh, yeah, all the time. Please, while you and I are busy being responsible, thing one and thing two are off having so much fun.

Claire: You know, there's no reason you and I can't relax a little and have as much fun as they do.
Alex: I'm in. Let's be more like those idiots.
Claire: Yeah. Con-garage-ulations.
Alex: Nailed it.

Cameron: Mitchell, I will make it clear that she is not the boss.
[Lily honks the car horn incessantly]
Mitchell: Okay, well, no, no, we can't go out now.
Cameron: Okay, where did she learn that annoying habit?
Mitchell: Claire's been picking her up from meditation Mondays.