‘Three Turkeys’
Season 6, Episode 8 - Aired November 19, 2014
With Phil cooking this year's Thanksgiving dinner with Luke as his sous chef, Claire secretly prepares a backup turkey. After their vacation to Mexico is canceled, Jay and Gloria decide to stay at home and not tell the family. Meanwhile, Mitchell is fed up of Cameron always appeasing Lily and making him play the role of "bad cop".
Quote from Phil
Nigella Lawson: [on phone app] Now, Philip, rub the breasts and thighs with olive oil.
Phil: I'm a little new at this, but okay.
Nigella Lawson: Before stuffing the bird, you may want to remove your jewelry.
Phil: You mean take off my wedding ring? You bad, bad girl.
Quote from Alex
Claire: I don't love being the person who hides in her garage with her secret crib turkey, but it's not always fun being the backstop.
Alex: You're telling me. Until you get home from work every day, my main job is keeping Luke alive. I actually caught him on the treadmill with scissors.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: We cannot let her run the show like this.
Cameron: Okay, trust me, I have another plan.
Mitchell: Really? Because right now, our child's walking around like a Vietnamese Annie Hall.
Quote from Jay
Gloria: So you don't feel guilty?
Jay: For what? Not sharing this thirty-year-old Scotch with Phil? He mixes it with 7up, Gloria. It's a hate crime.
Quote from Phil
Phil: Okay. Phil, stay calm. Yes, the trip over here killed the casserole. The biscuits are hard. The gravy has a skin on it like a sharecropper's neck.
Nigella Lawson: [on phone app] Are your onions in hot water, Philip?
Phil: Yes, I would say they are!
Quote from Mitchell
Cameron: Hey, sweetie, what are you reading?
Lily: What are you wearing?
Cameron: Well, I think it's Dolce & Gabbana.
Mitchell: She asked "what," not "who." Do you see Red Carpet?
Quote from Phil
Phil: Fill it in with this sandwich turkey. It's past its sell-by date, but I always think that's more of a suggestion, anyway. I'm gonna get them all loaded up on bread.
Nigella Lawson: [on phone app] And now, Philip, what to do with all the leftovers.
Phil: What happened to the sweet girl I downloaded?
Quote from Phil
Phil: Well, now you touched it, so you, Alex, and Haley will share that one. Dark meat for your dark, untrusting soul.
Quote from Phil
Claire: Phil, give it up. Honey, you can dance all you want, but you're not fooling anyone.
Nigella Lawson: [on video app] Continue to whip, vigorously, Phillip until your meringue stiffens.
Phil: That's hilarious, I don't-
Nigella Lawson: Are the cheeks turning nice and pink?
Phil: What's the problem?
Nigella Lawson: Now plunge into cold water.
Claire: I was just about to suggest the same thing.
Quote from Manny
Manny: Ta-da?
Haley: Oh, my god! You have my underwear?!
Manny: No. Okay, well, yes, but it's not what you're thinking. Uh, they were in my pants.
Haley: What is wrong with you?! I know you have a crush on me, but this is, like, deep freak!
Manny: No, I used to have a crush on you, but not anymore. This is all just bad luck. Just take your panties and go.