Jay: Oh, hey, Mitchell, you're in luck. There's room for another knife in my back.
Mitchell: I just came here to tell you to your face that you're wrong about Earl. He is not that bad a guy.
Jay: I've seen him eat a panda steak.
Mitchell: He is a little rough around the edges, but, look, he wants the rivalry to end.

Cameron: Gloria.
Gloria: Yes?
Cameron: Streamers, twinkle lights. "Sexy Manny"? I hope there's a number to a good therapist in here.

Cameron: Okay, fine, I did it.
Gloria: What happened with letting mother nature take its course like the otters in your computer?
Cameron: The little one's dead.
Gloria: What?
Cameron: The mother, she did nothing while an eagle pecked it apart. Nature is cruel.

Luke: Manny, you're up.
Manny: Can I just say it's so amazing spending some time with you two. I am so sick of superficial, self-absorbed high-school girls.
Brie: Oh, my god, I hated high-school girls.
Manny: The worst are cheerleaders.
Gretchen: They used to make fun of me behind my back brace.
Luke: Well, brace yourself for this. You look hot now.

Phil: That's it! I'm done! Oh! Haley, Dylan, this little living arrangement of yours, it's not working out and it's about to change.
Haley: Dad, why are you freaking out?
Phil: Because I'm your father and I can't have the two of you sleeping together in the same room like it's no big deal. So, from now on, you're gonna show me the respect I deserve and sneak around behind my back.
Claire: Do what, now?
Haley: I don't understand.
Phil: Starting tonight, you're sleeping in Alex's room, and if there's any monkey business, better happen after I'm asleep.

Alex: [screams]
Dylan: [screams]
Alex: What are you doing in my bed?!
Dylan: Waiting for your dad to fall asleep.
Phil: What is going on in here?!
Claire: Alex, why are you home?
Alex: Sanjay broke up with me.
Claire: Oh!
Alex: It really hurts.
Dylan: [joining the group hug] Everything will be fine.
Phil: Just go sleep with Haley.