Haley: Glad to hear you say that, 'cause, um, we have a favor to ask you. You know how Dyl- Vitamin D has his own t-shirt business?
Phil: Oh, I should've seen this coming. Um... Yes, I will model for you, but I'm gonna need to own the negatives.

Phil: I guess if your mom's okay with it, I'm okay with it.
Haley: Oh, um, and could you ask her for us?
Phil: I'll give it a shot, but it'll be the second thing I've talked her into this morning, and it'll be a lot trickier now that she's fully awake.

Phil: Listen, I was talking to Haley and Dylan-
Claire: Ugh.
Phil: They want to know if he can stay in the basement for a few weeks.
Claire: Oh, Phil, I think that's a bad idea.
Phil: They're adults, and Dylan really has been getting his act together.
Claire: This doesn't bother you?
Phil: I don't enjoy having to get your approval for everything, but that's the deal I made.

Luke: [answering video chat] How lazy are you? If you want to talk to us, just come downstairs.
Alex: Luke, I'm at college. I don't even live there anymore.
Luke: And you have been missed.

Manny: [answering phone] Hey, what's up?
Luke: Manny, you and I are going to college.
Manny: You sure are, buddy. Who cares what that guidance counselor said?
Luke: Look, there's a girl in my sister's dorm who's super into me, and she's got a hot roommate for you.
Manny: How hot?
Luke: Use your imagination.
Manny: Holy cow. I guess it would help take my mind off of Carly. Should we talk about what color ties we're gonna wear so we don't clash?
Luke: Click. [hangs up]

Jay: What about that probate? Who did you mess that up? Client's dead.
Mitchell: Okay, this is crazy. Why am I worried about your feelings when you obviously have no concern for mine? Y- I'm taking that job.
Jay: It's like a Hatfield working for a McCoy.
Mitchell: If a Hatfield ever worked for a McCoy, maybe it would've ended that ridiculous family feud.
Jay: Richard Dawson!
Both: Also in the Rolodex!

Phil: Oh, you're both in the bed together.
Haley: Dad, it's fine.
Dylan: Yeah. Our room is your room, Philibuster.

Earl Chambers: Pritchett? Mitch Pritchett. Son of that son of a bitch Jay Pritchett?
Mitchell: Reporting for duty.
Earl Chambers: Don't bother unpacking that briefcase. I cannot have a Pritchett hanging around here. I got too much sensitive information your dad would love to get his hands on.
Mitchell: That was a takeout menu.
Earl Chambers: I don't want that man to know where I eat.

Alex: What are you two doing here?
Luke: Reaching out to a family member in distress. You sounded pretty upset yesterday.
Alex: So, you drove all the way down here? That's so sweet.
Luke: Hey, we're here for you. How are you feeling? What's new? Where's your friend Brie's room?
Alex: Ugh. Down the hall to the left. Just go.
Manny: Do you have a steam iron? Because I would love to give this blazer a-
Alex: Ugh.

Haley: Mom, what is it?
Claire: We were thinking about having pizza for dinner.
Dylan: Whoa!
Claire: Mm-hmm.
Phil: Claire.
Claire: I know we had it a couple of days ago, but I'm too tired to cook. Hmm. I'm gonna go change my clothes.