Haley: Ugh. I can't believe mom made me take you here.
Luke: This is my only black shirt, and mom needs me to wash it.
Haley: Wow. It's only when I see the less fortunate that I realize how lucky my clothes are.
Luke: All the machines are taken. We're gonna have to wait.
Haley: Oh, I am not spending any more time in fluorescent lighting than I have to.

Haley: Excuse me.
Keith: Haley?
Haley: Oh, my God. Kevin.
Keith: It's "Keith." You really don't remember the guy you abandoned at Coachella?
Haley: I didn't abandon you. I-I texted you. That deejay put me in a trance.
Keith: Yeah. It's- It's almost like you were using me for tickets.
Haley: Oh. That's crazy. Can you get those again? Or was that just, like, a one-time thing with your uncle?
Keith: It was a one-time thing.
Haley: Okay, so, good seeing you.

Cameron: All right, Lily, can you come in here, please?
Lily: It's Christmas already? Yay!
Mitchell: Ah. Probably should have prepped her.

Mitchell: Okay, no, it's not actually Christmas. We're just gonna take a fun photo. Which I am going to be in because I am a member of the- Where is my stocking?
Cameron: Oh, relax. It's not in the shot, and neither are you.

Cameron: Lily, I want you to put this on and then stand in front of the tree, and we'll pop a shot off.
Lily: Ooh! Look at all the pretty presents!
Cameron: Those are just empty boxes.
Lily: You're killing me!

Keith: What are you doing?
Haley: Uh, I-I saw that your laundry was done, and I was gonna fold it for you to make us even for what you thought that I did that I didn't do.
Keith: Even? I held your popcorn for eight hours waiting for you to come back. I walked all the parking areas twice, checked every medical tent. By the time I got back to my car, it had been broken into and the battery was gone. I had to trade my festival pass for a ride home in a horse trailer.
Haley: But looks like someone got a concert t-shirt.

Manny: I was skeptical about the jeans and t-shirt, but I like it. Any chance the photographer could fire off a couple solo shots?

Gloria: Look at the bottom of Joe's face.
Manny: What happened? Did you leave him in the sun?
Gloria: No, I took him out for five minutes to give him a little color. I must have not closed the visor all the way down.
Manny: Why is it so important to you that he has color?
Gloria: Because we're sending this picture to our family in Colombia, and I have a son that doesn't even look Colombian. Now they're gonna look at this picture, and they're gonna think that I am a terrible mother, that I can't even take care of my own child.
Manny: I think your reputation is set. I can still do this with my arm 'cause I slept in the sink till I was 3.

Alex: Dad, you have to confess to mom. Clearing your conscience is the only way to make this stop.
Phil: Really?
Alex: I hope so, or else I have to rewrite the whole end of my paper.

Jay: Cam, do me a favor. Call Mitchell and light a fire under him.
Mitchell: I'm right here, Dad.
Jay: Oh. Good. I didn't see you come in.
Mitchell: You opened the door for me. You thanked me for bringing a bottle of chardonnay.
Jay: Doesn't sound like me.