Manny: Sounds like someone needs a relaxing trip to Nazi-occupied Austria.

Randall: Just think about something else. I heard you're getting married. How's that going?
Mitchell: Oh, yeah, yeah. It's it's good. It's good. You know, we're planning it right now. Actually, it's being planned for me.
Randall: That's nice. No stress.
Mitchell: Oh, you'd think, huh? But it's getting a little bit out of hand.
Randall: Oh, that happens with weddings.
Mitchell: Does it? I mean, how many weddings have you been to that have something called a dove cannon?

Randall: You know, I'm pretty good at reading people, and it sounds like you and your lady really need to talk this out.
Mitchell: Yeah, maybe you're right. So I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. I'm gay.
Randall: Oh, my God. Does she know?
Mitchell: Got to save something for the wedding night, huh?

Cameron: Riley, no! Buster, please sit! Dylan, help!
Dylan: I can't! These cats and dogs are fighting like... Ugh!

Cameron: Hey! How was the gym?
Mitchell: I never made it. Listen, Cam, I got to talk about something.
Cameron: I do, too. What would you think about being more involved with the wedding?
Mitchell: That's what I wanted to talk about. I would love to.
Cameron: Thank God. You know, I just think we're we're better together.
Mitchell: "Better together." Mm, I like that.
Angus: [Scottish accent] I cannot be in a house with snakes.
Mitchell: How bad is it?
Cameron: Gonna need about an hour.

Gloria: Ay, father, I am so sorry. I didn't even know that he could hold a fork.
Father Marquez: No, no, no, I blame myself. I probably shouldn't have taken his nose.
Gloria: No, it's my family. The girls are very chesty, but the men, they're kissed by the devil.

Father Marquez: Gloria, the fact that you are so concerned is only proof that you are a loving and caring mother.
Gloria: Huh?
Father Marquez: It's the parents who shape the child. And your son is growing up in a wonderful home.
Manny: Die, scum!
Jay: No, no, no! Louder, like you did at the drive-through.
Manny: Mom, Jay and I saw "Death Wish." Amazing.
Jay: Manny got in a fight at "The Sound of Music," got kicked out. I've never been so proud.

Father Marquez: Well, I guess every household could use a little fine-tuning, huh? Let me give you my card with my cell number on it.
Gloria: Please.
Father Marquez: And what did I do with my wallet?
[Joe is holding the father's wallet in his playpen]

Lorraine: We're on our way to an open house.
Diane: Oh, is that why you couldn't show me the colonial later? I made that corn bread that you like.
Phil: W- We're gonna make it to that. I just have to finish up with Lorraine.
Lorraine: Oh, you mean, like, "get it over with"?
Phil: No, I I don't mean that.
Lorraine: And I thought zucchini bread was your favorite. Why- Why am I buying zucchini?
Phil: Hey, can't a guy like zucchini bread and corn bread?

Ronnie: Phil?
Phil: Damn it. Ronnie!
Ronnie: I thought you had a doctor's appointment. That's why you had to Miss Darrell's swim meet.
Diane: Who's she?
Phil: Just another client.
Ronnie: "Just another client"?
Phil: No, that's- What is this? Uh-oh, it is. It's my office. Got to take it.