‘Larry's Wife’
Season 5, Episode 3 - Aired October 2, 2013
Phil has tapped into a new real estate segment - recently divorced women - but he annoys Claire as he makes himself available to them 24/7. Meanwhile, Gloria thinks baby Joe might have the mark of the devil, and Cameron gets carried away as he plans a pet funeral for Larry the cat's made-up wife.
Quote from Phil
Claire: Are you all clients of Phil's?
Lorraine: Apparently.
Claire: Well, you could not be in better hands. I met Phil when I was at such a rocky place in my life. He was available to me morning, noon, and night. Of course he found me my dream house, but that wasn't the best part. Phil taught me how to trust a man again, and I think that was always his plan.
Phil: That was always my plan.
Claire: And it was not easy for me to trust a man after the husband that I'd had. This guys left tools in the yard, let the kids run wild.
Phil: Well, great to see you, Claire.
Claire: He was always interrupting me. And he wore the most ridiculous sleep-mask thing.
Diane: Oh, God, sounds like such a diva.
Phil: Or he's photosensitive, which is a real condition.
Quote from Claire
Claire: Never took my advice. You know, that's the worst part. He never he never said he was sorry just one time. I would kill to have heard, "Claire, you were right."
[aside to camera:]
Phil: She was right.
Claire: Louder.
Phil: I do not love this side of you.