Gloria: Ay, no.
Phil: What am I looking at?
Cameron: Okay, relax. You all act like you've never seen a caftan before. I just needed full breathable coverage today.
Mitchell: The fact that it looks so great is just a bonus.

Joe: What's that?
Lily: "Groovy Guppies." I'm gonna binge-watch the last season.
Joe: I never heard of it.
Lily: Get out of whatever your mommy's got you doing. Your life is about to change.

Luke: But if you're looking for something fun, the rental guy gave us this pamphlet.
Claire: Thanks. We already got one, but... Oh. Yours is different. Parasailing, wakeboarding, jetpacking?
Phil: Ours has sunrise chair yoga, watercolors at water's edge, and something called cloud study?
Luke: Yeah, they gave that one to Grandpa, too.
Claire: We got the old people one?
Phil: No! Why would they do that?
Haley: Looks like you guys got some fluffy ones out today. That one looks like a bunny.
Phil: Oh, yeah.

Gloria: Oh, wait. Look. There's that nice lake butler that helped me earlier with my bags. Señor. Señor. Could you take care of our kids for a couple of hours? I will pay you double what you make working for the lake.
Ben: Seriously? You know me. We rode to the airport together.
Cameron: Can you watch our kids or not?
Ben: Actually, I'm kind of, uh... Alex? [motor revs] Any food allergies I should know about?

Phil: This is fun. Just the two of us.
Claire: Yeah. And the walking sticks are a real game changer.
Phil: Hold the phone. We've hit a vista.
Claire: Oh.
Phil: Looks like you're not the only mountain chickadee around here.
Claire: You spotted one?
Phil: When it's your turn, note her black bib.
Claire: Okay. Oh, my God.
Phil: Isn't she majestic?
Claire: Phil, we're them. We're the cover of the old people's pamphlet.
Phil: Well, that's a fine "How do ya do."
Claire: Oh, even this guy wouldn't say that!

Haley: [aside to camera] We walked around that whole island. No hot boys, girls... nothing. Just a bunch of birds.
Luke: And not even hot birds.

[as Jay applies sun cream to Phil's back:]
Phil: It tickles!
Jay: Listen, Phil.
Phil: I know, I know. This never happened.
Jay: Oh, it happened. Never forget how these strong father-in-law hands gave you pleasure.

Manny: Ow! I got a splinter in my pinkie!
Alex: I think we have a time of death on Manuel.

Manny: Shut up! It's your fault for making me rub those sticks together so fast.
Alex: My fault? We wouldn't even be out here if it weren't for these two lizard brains not being able to keep it in their pants.
Luke: You're just jealous because we don't hate ourselves for being attracted to other people.
Alex: Please! I'm not accepting a psych evaluation from somebody who texted me for help getting out of the bathroom this morning.
Luke: Boat locks are different!

Haley: He's right, you know. This is your first time bringing a boy on vacation, and the second he sat down with the whole family, things started to get a little too real for you. So you started to pick Ben apart so you could justify pushing him away.
Alex: I don't think I do that. Do I do that? I do do that.
Manny: When you think about it, I'm in a similar situation. College is getting a little real, and maybe I'm nervous about a whole new group of people rejecting me, so I hid Manny away. After all, [voice breaking] can't hurt a man they'll never meet.
Luke: Ugh. I miss Manuel.