Alex: Go faster! It's not a violin. You're trying to start a fire.
Manny: Hey, chill, man!
Luke: That's never gonna work. We need a better way to let someone know we're out here.
Haley: Anyone have a mirror?
Alex: Good idea. We can reflect the sun onto a passing plane.
Haley: No, I just have a feeling that my hair looks really good right now.

Claire: Does this have something to do with Hugh Duncan dying and all those Facebook tributes?
Jay: No!
Mitchell: Wait, w-were you trying to manufacture nice moments so that we'll say good things about you when you're gone?
Alex: Wait. Is that why you gave me your telescope?
Phil: And the... the sunscreen? That wasn't real?
Jay: I don't want to talk about this!

Alex: Grandpa, stop! We have tons of great memories of you!
Jay: You're just saying that!
Luke: Someone think of an example!
Haley: You used to bring me back magnets every time you went away on a business trip! It was so thoughtful!
Cameron: Yeah, when you found out I was into almond milk, you went to Costco and got me that giant thing of almond milk!
Jay: Well, you like it, and it doesn't go bad.
Phil: When my mom died, you texted me every day for a week to check on me!
Manny: You always save me the red gummy bears because they're my favorite!
Gloria: And me the green ones! Also, the nice life and stuff!
Claire: And... And... And you're really good at saving old pictures of me and Mitchell as kids!
Jay: Getting a little general.
Mitchell: "Run toward embarrassment, not away from it, and you take away its power"! I'm always gonna remember that!
Jay: Good enough.

Phil: [playing guitar] ♪ Turn around ♪
Haley: ♪ Every now and then, I get a little bit lonely ♪
Cameron: ♪ And you're never comin' 'round ♪
Phil: ♪ Turn around ♪
Mitchell: Me. ♪ Every now and then, I get a little bit tired ♪
Alex: ♪ Of listening to the sound of my tears ♪
Phil: ♪ Turn around, bright eyes ♪
Mitchell: Who?
Claire: Dad.
Cameron: Come on, Jay. Everybody will remember it!
Jay: That's extortion.
Mitchell: Come on.
Jay: ♪ Every now and then, I fall apart ♪
Claire: There it is.
Jay: ♪ And I need you now tonight ♪ ♪ And I need you more than ever ♪
Luke: Is this even a song?
All: ♪ Once upon a time, I was falling in love ♪ ♪ But now I'm only falling apart ♪ ♪ There's nothing I can do ♪ ♪ A total eclipse of the heart ♪

Mitchell: Um, it's really embarrassing. Uh, I ran into this guy who works at the bait shop.
Jay: Is that a gay bar?
Mitchell: No, an actual bait shop. And I came on to him years ago. It turns out he was straight. And I'm... I'm still traumatized by it.
Jay: Let me give you some advice. Run toward embarrassment, not away from it. You got that?
Mitchell: Wait. What?
Jay: Go talk to the guy. Run toward embarrassment, not away from it, and you take away its power.
Mitchell: That's actually not the worst advice.
Jay: It's great advice. In fact, you should write it down. It feels quotable.
Mitchell: You know what? I am. I'm going back there.
Jay: You got this, Mitchell. Just think of it as one more time when your dad helped you out with all this gay business.

Mitchell: What's all this, then?
Cameron: The doctor said absolutely no sun while I'm on these antibiotics.
Mitchell: And what would happen? Because if it's anything short of death, I-I think you should risk it.

Claire: Manny, how do you take your eggs?
Manny: Like God made 'em. [cracks egg into a glass, drinks the yolk and throws the shell out of the window] Mm!
Haley: Manny, what are you doing?
Luke: This isn't Manny. It's Manuel. He's trying to reinvent himself for college. He's going for a strong, silent type.
Manny: Hey, don't try to define me, man.
Haley: "Manuel's" gonna last five minutes.
Manny: Hey. [bones crack] It is what it is, man.

Alex: [aside to camera] Ben and I have been dating a few months now, and things have been going so well, I decided to invite him on our family vacation. We knew it would take some...
Ben: [kisses Alex] I could listen to you talk forever.
Alex: Aww! We knew it would take some convincing.

Claire: It's bad enough that I have to see Ben's stupid face at the office every day. You want to bring him on our trip?
Alex: Just because he bugs you doesn't mean this will ruin your vacation.
Claire: He's a huge reason why I need a vacation!
Ben: [slurps] I mean, I can see both sides.

Ben: Ohhh. Does anyone know if these pancakes are gluten-free?
Alex: I can't!
Ben: Why? What's wrong?
Alex: I can't listen to you talk about gluten anymore! Or mouth guards or airborne allergens or any of your other weird afflictions!