Cameron: Oh, look. They went to see Jay-Z. We almost went to see Jay-Z, didn't we?
Mitchell: No, no, no, 'cause remember it started at 8:30.
Cameron: Oh, yeah, which meant he wouldn't have gone on until 10:00.
Mitchell: And then that parking nightmare.
Cameron: Oh, and those stairs.
Mitchell: Okay, I'm hearing it now. Is Claire right? Are we in a rut?
Cameron: Well, we might be, especially compared to these people. Look at this. Cancun luggage tickets. A parking pass to Yosemite. A triathlon bib. This is living.
Mitchell: No, but you know what? We have Lily, okay?
Cameron: I know.
Mitchell: You can't do that with a child.
Cameron: They have a car seat.
Mitchell: Okay, fine, we're in a rut.

Mitchell: You know, maybe we just need to be around more stimulating people.
Cameron: Well, we're gonna be in about 900 feet.
Mitchell: It's not the craziest idea. They seem like fun people.
Cameron: Yeah, and maybe we can be new couples friends with them. You know, we can go out to concerts, try exciting new food, maybe do some luxury camping.
Mitchell: Yeah, hitch our wagon to their star and see how fast they spice up our life.

Cameron: No, no, back up. Back up I said.
Mitchell: I'm trying! We are in a rut!
Cameron: Really? You wanna talk about that right now?
Mitchell: No, we are stuck! We're in an actual rut. We're stuck. Ohh! Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Cameron: We are victims of a hate crime right now! Go! Go!

Haley: Dad, what are you doing here?
Phil: What's this, buddy.
Ben: Ginger ale.
Phil: Oh, really? 'Cause is smells- Okay, it smells like ginger ale. But that doesn't prove anything.

Gloria: Jay, I need you to talk to Manny.
Jay: What?
Gloria: Well, if he's doing what you think he's doing, then he needs to talk to a man. I don't want him to be ashamed of anything.
Jay: Then you don't want to send me in there.
Gloria: Yeah, but what if if he has questions? What if he doesn't know how to -
Jay: Gloria, Gloria, whatever he's going through, he can work it out himself.
Manny: [o.s.] Help! I'm stuck!
Gloria: Ay, no, Jay, go. I beg of you! Go! Go! Go!
Jay: Gloria. I'm extremely reluctant to do this.

Jay: He was hanging from that bar up there.
Gloria: What? Why? What do you have on your head?
Jay: It's a weighted helmet to stretch me so I can get taller.
Gloria: Manny! Why do you have to get tall now?
Manny: Love, mom. Why else? I lost Bella to Durkus because, in her words, "He's tall." Everybody else is getting taller but me. You think it's the coffee?
Gloria: No. Maybe. But but hanging downside up is not gonna help you.
Manny: The web site said it would.
Gloria: Listen, Manny, you're already intelligent and beautiful and funny. If you get tall, you're going to have everything, and those poor boys are not gonna have anything to compete with you.

Jay: Ah, jeez. You know, when I was your age, I started working out to get the girls.
Manny: You think that would help?
Jay: Yeah. So tomorrow, we start working out. Okay? Maybe I'll even show you a few pull-ups on, uh, this bad boy here, huh? [pulls the bar from the wall] You see that? Pretty soon, that's how strong you're gonna be.

Claire: I could, but I don't want to ruin it for you.
Holly: Claire. Just tell us.
Claire: Um, Scarlett is really mad at Clark Gable because, um, he says so many bad things. And didn't he, um, burn down a farm or something?

Julian: Hello. This is totally inappropriate. But could I use your bathroom? Sorry. You kept pushing the drinks. I-
Claire: Friend. Gay friend. Gay.
Julian: I'm not gay.
Claire: Yes, you are.
Julian: I-I'm not gay. I'm- I'm French. You thought I was gay?
Claire: Are you serious right now?
Julian: Well, are you? You've been throwing yourself at me all night.
Claire: No, no. No, I have not.
Holly: Bethenny, grab the Pinot.

Julian: You undressed in front of me. You squeezed my arm. You asked me for a massage. What was all that?
Claire: That was that was me safely objectifying a gay person.
Holly: Wow, Claire! When I wrote "don't ever change" in your yearbook, I didn't mean it like this.
Claire: Oh, ease up, Holly. Okay, I lied. I lied, but I get one night to myself, and I just wanted to spend it with some fun gay people. It's not my fault this one decided to be straight.
Julian: I've always been straight.
Claire: Oh, you don't get to talk! I took fashion advice from you! Oh, my God. Do I even look good in this dress? No. Not you. It's really short, isn't it?
Holly: It's short.
Claire: Yeah.