‘Door to Door’
Season 3, Episode 4 - Aired October 5, 2011
When Claire decides to petition town council to add a stop sign at an intersection, she asks her family to go door-to-door collecting signatures. Meanwhile, Jay gives Manny advice on being a salesman, Phil and Luke attempt to create a viral video, and Gloria loses Stella.
Quote from Luke
Luke: We need to do it again.
Phil: Oh, I would, buddy, but, uh, your mom's all over me to change a bunch of lightbulbs.
Luke: How many moms does it take to screw on a lightbulb?
Phil: I don't know.
Luke: None, 'cause they get you to do it, sucker.
[aside to camera:]
Phil: I laughed, but it hurt a little.
Quote from Phil
Haley: [aside to camera] We love when mom gets on a project.
Alex: Because usually the minute any of us walks in the door, she gives us something to do.
Haley: "Do your homework. Clean your room."
Luke: "Put on pants."
Phil: Like the queen's coming over. Am I right? So when she's not around or gets busy, Luke and I capitalize on the situation.
Quote from Haley
Claire: Haley?
Haley: I need to get started on my college essay. You know what? Maybe I'll write it about you. You're just so inspirational. Girl power! You rock.
Claire: Thanks, honey. I do rock.
Quote from Manny
Jay: Hey there, Mr. Salesman.
Manny: Can we not talk about business?
Jay: That bad, huh?
Manny: I gave it everything I got. Working the dimples, going big eyes. It got me two things: diddly and squat.
Jay: How many houses you hit?
Manny: I don't know. Must've been at least three.
Jay: Three? And that's your idea of the best you got?
Manny: It was very hard on me. I'm not used to rejection. Or hills.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Hey! I'm gonna kill you when I find you, silly dog! Why don't you come back? Stella!
Cameron: I have a theory.
Quote from Luke
Luke: You know, my arm's starting to hurt a little.
Phil: Really? 'Cause my face feels great.
Luke: Come on, dad. Let's not turn on each other. We could be here a while.
Quote from Jay
Jay: Hi. Uh, Jay Pritchett here. Holidays are just around the corner.
Guy: I'm sorry. I don't believe in wrapping paper.
Jay: What do you mean you don't believe in wrapping paper? It's not Bigfoot. It exists.
Guy: It's not eco-friendly. It's wasteful.
Jay: No, not this stuff. This paper was made from 100% recycled materials.
Manny: I don't think so.
Quote from Gloria
Elderly Man: I can't understand what you're saying.
Gloria: She's an ugly little fresh bulldog with the tiny ears and the smushy face. What is so hard to understand?
Cameron: Maybe I should translate.
Quote from Claire
Disturbed Man: I really don't like people coming to my door unannounced while I'm working on my carving.
Claire: I understand, but a stop sign is really important. [off his look] What exactly are you carving?