‘Door to Door’
Season 3, Episode 4 - Aired October 5, 2011
When Claire decides to petition town council to add a stop sign at an intersection, she asks her family to go door-to-door collecting signatures. Meanwhile, Jay gives Manny advice on being a salesman, Phil and Luke attempt to create a viral video, and Gloria loses Stella.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: Just say what's on your mind.
Mitchell: You never clean up. [Cameron gasps] Save the gasp. Cam, whenever you get creative in the kitchen, I'm the one who ends up cleaning it up, okay? The homemade pizza, fondue, molecular gastronomy. I'm still cleaning shrimp foam out of the curtains.
Cameron: Okay, you know, Mitchell? Just go to work, okay? I'm gonna take Lily to school, and then when I get home, I'm gonna scrub this place like a crime scene, which it is, because you've murdered joy.
Quote from Phil
Claire: You know that really dangerous intersection?
Phil: Where desire meets jealousy, and the result is murder?
Claire: The one where I almost killed you this morning.
Phil: Oh, yeah. Sorry. That was my bad. I got lost in my jams. Dangerous comb: speed walking and Speedwagon. Oh. I wasn't even trying for that.
Luke: Nice.
Quote from Jay
Jay: What are you selling?
Manny: Wrapping paper.
Jay: Wrong. You're selling Christmas. The excitement of opening presents, the taste of eggnog.
Manny: I do love eggnog.
Jay: Look, write this down. "What's the difference between 'try' and 'triumph'?"
Manny: A little oomph?
Jay: A little oomph. Get it?
Manny: Of course I get it. I just said it.
Quote from Jay
Manny: Jay, can we stop now? I'm getting hungry.
Jay: You know what the problem is? You're not hungry.
Manny: I had a carrot at 3:00.
Jay: What if you couldn't feed your family unless you made this next sale? What if you were gonna lose your house?
[aside to camera:]
Jay: I know I was pushing the kid hard, but here's the thing, I'm an older dad. I'm not gonna be around forever. And I'll sleep better knowing he's got something to fall back on.
Quote from Manny
Jay: You know, I-I actually need some wrapping paper. You know where I can find some?
Manny: You don't have to do that.
Jay: I want to do it.
[aside to camera:]
Manny: You'll never go broke playing to a rich guy's ego. Write that down.
Quote from Phil
Duane: Okay, thank you very much. We will, uh, take these under advisement. Just leave 'em here, and thank you-
Phil: Wait a minute. I know what that means.
Duane: Oh, here we go.
Phil: That's Washington-speak for "Get lost."
Claire: Well, um, wow, Phil. What are you doing here?
Phil: I'm your husband. I'm blindsiding you.
Quote from Claire
Alex: So then what happened?
Haley: Well, she didn't show up at school the next day, and I heard that she slept over at his dorm.
Alex: No way!
Haley: Mm-hmm. Seriously? Are you surprised? Do you not know Carly? Have you seen what she wears at school?
Claire: Girls, llLet's cool it on the gossip, okay? It's not right. I mean, Carly's got enough problems.
Alex: What do you mean?
Claire: Well, her mom can't get through soccer practice without a thermos of chardonnay and don't get me started on the dad.
Quote from Claire
Claire: This is such a dangerous intersection!
Haley: Did I get lipstick on my face?
Alex: No, you're fine. And consider yourself lucky you didn't just get, like, felt up by your mom.
Claire: They need to get a stop sign.
Alex: What is your obsession with traffic?
Claire: It's an obsession with safety.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: What happened here?
Cameron: Well, Lily and I woke up in a french mood, so we decided to whip up some crepes.
Mitchell: When are you gonna be in the mood to wipe up some crepes?