Alex: Dad, your phone's been buzzing like crazy.
Phil: Sweet Lorna Doone. Nineteen missed calls? I wonder who's... [answering phone] Phil Dunphy. You saw the ad? Great. Do you know what you're looking for? The little one. I think I know which one you're talking about. Um, if you're interested, I also have an older model with a lot of character. What? I think the carpet matches the drapes. I haven't checked in a while. Both of them? Wow. Well, I guess that makes sense if you're planning to flip one. Listen, um, why don't I call you back? We'll set up an appointment. It will give me a chance to give them both a good scrubbing. All right. Thanks a lot. Bye-bye.

Luke: Looking great, Dad.
Phil: With these steps, I break the surly bonds- Chicken in a basket! Don't look at me.

Manny: [aside to camera] Jay is always telling me to "Write this down." I don't always catch everything he says. "Something, something, firm handshake." "Never take the first room they show you." Not sure who "they" is. And this one just says "Pancakes."

Phil: [aside to camera] I've always said that if my son thinks of me as one of his idiot friends, then I've succeeded as a dad. If he wants to go the wrong way on the escalator, I'm on board. If he wants to go into a restaurant and pretend we're Australian, then "G'day mate, toss a few shrimps on the barbie for me and my Joey. Yeah? Right? Nicole Kidman? Men at Work?"

Gloria: Ay, Cam, thank you for helping me.
Cameron: Oh, it's my pleasure. [calling] Stella! Stella! Oh, my god.
Gloria: What? Do you see her?
Cameron: No. But I see myself in the role I was born to play. [shouting] Stella! Stella! [answering phone] Hello? Oh, Mitchell, you are not gonna believe this. I'm out helping Gloria look for her dog. I'm wearing an undershirt and I'm screaming "Stella," just like in "Streetcar."
Mitchell: You didn't clean the kitchen.
Cameron: Mitchell, I am an inadvertent Stanley Kowalski. How can you not be delighted by this?