‘Closet? You'll Love It!’
Season 6, Episode 17 - Aired March 4, 2015
Jay and Claire have creative differences when they shoot a commercial for Pritchett Closets. Phil, Luke and Manny try to protect Gloria from an aerial peeping-Tom. Meanwhile, Cameron and Mitchell disagree over whether Lily should perform in the school talent show.
Quote from Cameron
Mitchell: Lily is gonna sing whatever she wants - and you're gonna get over this thing with Andrew because a grown man should not have a nemesis. It's ridiculous.
Cameron: You know what's ridiculous? Is being forced to turn in your jingle bells to a man with less vocal range than a teakettle.
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Hi, Manny. Please stick Joe in front of the TV. He always calms down when he listens to Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets...
Quote from Gloria
Gloria: Andy's in the hospital.
Haley: What? Why?
Gloria: Appendicitis.
Haley: Oh. Is he okay? Maybe I should go down there.
Gloria: This is not good. My second cousin got appendicitis, and now he's in jail. Hmm.
Quote from Claire
Claire: Oh, God. I can't fire my dad.
Ben: I know. It must be hard, but you realize it's the best thing for the company.
Claire: Yes, I do. Okay. Can I count on you to back me up?
Ben: Totally. Come on. We both know your dad is incredible. Did you see him today? He's like George Clooney but older, but better. I - [inhales deeply] thought that was Jay. I'm sorry. Oh, man. I almost fainted. [chuckles] Just gonna put my head between my legs.
Claire: Plenty of room down there.
Quote from Mitchell
Cameron: [aside to camera] Turns out recently, Andrew married Simon.
Mitchell: My bitter rival from law school.
Cameron: Or nemesis?
Quote from Mitchell
Simon: So how's work? I'm sure you heard I made partner at Gotshal, Manges, Flom, Arps and LeBoeuf.
Mitchell: Mm-hmm. And I'm actually at the Justice Institute now. So rewarding.
Simon: Oh, I think our firm donated one of our old fax machines to you guys. We better go. We're moving closer because our daughter's about to perform. Yours is from Vietnam, right? We were able to adopt one from Korea. So...
Mitchell: Did he really just end a conversation on "so"?
Quote from Luke
Manny: Hey! That's my bike!
Luke: We're all making sacrifices! I'm wearing a monokini!
Quote from Phil
Luke: He's heading for the river to try and lose us.
Phil: Damn you, Denise at the patent office, for stalling my Aquabike!
Quote from Mitchell
Cameron: Okay, let's just grab her and go. She's up after the next act.
Mitchell: Hey, we're doing the right thing. You can develop deep emotional scars at age seven. I still can't eat-
Cameron: Salt and vinegar chips. Yes, I know. I can't relive this with you right now.
Quote from Claire
Jay: Hey-o! How's my beautiful wife?
Gloria: What happened? Why do you look like that?
Jay: I'm just happy to see you.
Gloria: You look like a crazy person.
Claire: Dad, what are you doing with your face?