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Blasts from the Past

‘Blasts from the Past’

Season 10, Episode 12 - Aired January 16, 2019

Phil and Claire are looking forward to a trip to Italy before their home becomes a mad house with Haley, Dylan and the twins. Unfortunately for them, chaos arrives before its due date. Cameron and Mitchell talk to Lily about some risque reading material they found in her room. Meanwhile, Gloria and Jay try to teach Joe about their inspirational ancestors.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: And why is it just lying around the house?
Mitchell: I was bringing the trash bins into the garage the other day, and I noticed an old box of my stuff. I got nostalgic, and I decided to flip through it.
Cameron: Wait, garbage day? L-Last Wednesday?
Mitchell: Yeah.
Cameron: The day we opened the bottle of Merlot, took it back to the bedroom, and had a rather spectacular... session?
Mitchell: Uh, was it that night?
Cameron: Oh, please, it was the first time in years I'd seen your eyes roll back in your head without irony.
Mitchell: Well, excuse me if I am attracted to you.
Cameron: Except it wasn't just me, was it? There were three of us in that bed. I sent you a dozen roses the next day. Apparently, I should've sent six to David Duchovny.


Quote from Manny

Jay: There you go, buddy. Now you look like a real hero.
Joe: I don't think I'm allowed to bring a knife to school.
Jay: It's not sharp at all.
Manny: And neither, apparently, are you. [to Gloria] I told you if we waited a few minutes he'd give us a delicious segue.

Quote from Jay

Gloria: Your uncle Erasmus Pritchett was a hero at the Alamo. But for the other side.
Manny: Yeah, he hid in a closet during the fighting, then stole a dress and escaped by pretending to be a prostitute.
Jay: What?! I don't believe you.
Gloria: These are official church documents. In this part, it says that he traded military secrets for rum and a new corset.
Manny: "To this day, in Nuevo Laredo, 'to Erasmus' means 'to cry facedown on the ground.'"
Gloria: There's a picture of him cringing.
Joe: I can't believe I named my lizard Erasmus.
Jay: It was wartime, Joe! We can't judge a man who has lived through that kind of hell.
Manny: He spent his post-war years spreading the gospel of vegetarianism.
Jay: I have no uncle.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Gosh, your mom looks familiar.
Dylan: She used to do a little modeling. Recently, she had her likeness stolen for one of those "Freeze-the-Fat" billboards.
Phil: [gasps]
[aside to camera:]
Phil: Dylan's Mom was the hot chick in the "Sexy Kitty" music video. The songwriting isn't perfect, but this video changed everything.

Quote from Haley

Farrah: Those bikes don't live there, do they? 'Cause that is an ideal north-facing spot for a birthing tub.
Claire: I wasn't aware that Haley was considering a home birth.
Haley: Oh, I wasn't, but then Farrah really opened up my eyes to the birth-industrial complex.

Quote from Phil

Phil: Is, uh... Is Dylan's mom at all familiar to you?
Claire: Yes! Thank God you noticed it, too. I can't believe that is gonna be in our life on a regular basis.
Phil: I know. She's been driving me kind of crazy since I was a kid.
Claire: Do you know how many nights I went to bed screaming her name into a pillow?
Phil: Go on.

Quote from Claire

Claire: The girls call you Gammy? That's funny, because I was hoping when Haley's twins came along, they might call me that.
Farrah: Oh, well, that might be confusing. But maybe you could be something else. How about "Gaga"?
Claire: Maybe we don't have to lock anything down right now.

Quote from Mitchell

Mitchell: Hey, handsome, this seat taken?
Cameron: Hey, what are you doing here?
Mitchell: Well, I brought you a smoothie, although, you don't need it because you're already 100% fruity deliciousness. Maybe I just get right to it.

Quote from Cameron

Cameron: Look, Mitchell, I appreciate what you're doing...
Mitchell: No, no, listen. [clears throat] Lily's at a sleepover tonight, so I got us a suite at Whispers Resort and Spa.
Cameron: Isn't that the place, uh, Jen Aniston goes to after her divorces?

Quote from Joe

Joe: The yoke of Spanish oppression will chafe Colombian shoulders no longer! My saber thirsts for European blood!
Gloria: So cute!
Manny: Bravo!
Gloria: He looked it up and memorized it himself.
Joe: Hey, Dad. You know how kids tease me 'cause I'm the shortest kid in the class?
Jay: Oh, don't listen to what they say!
Joe: Right! Uncle Alvaro was only five feet tall and he led a whole army! I'm gonna be brave like him.
Jay: Viva Uncle Alvaro.

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