Gloria: Your uncle Erasmus Pritchett was a hero at the Alamo. But for the other side.
Manny: Yeah, he hid in a closet during the fighting, then stole a dress and escaped by pretending to be a prostitute.
Jay: What?! I don't believe you.
Gloria: These are official church documents. In this part, it says that he traded military secrets for rum and a new corset.
Manny: "To this day, in Nuevo Laredo, 'to Erasmus' means 'to cry facedown on the ground.'"
Gloria: There's a picture of him cringing.
Joe: I can't believe I named my lizard Erasmus.
Jay: It was wartime, Joe! We can't judge a man who has lived through that kind of hell.
Manny: He spent his post-war years spreading the gospel of vegetarianism.
Jay: I have no uncle.