Haley: Oh, my God. Are those new boots?
Claire: Yes.
Haley: I love them. They're so cute!
Claire: They are?
Haley: Oh, I forgot to tell you. Danielle Gunston, first one in my class to get pregnant. You totally called it.
Claire: [to Phil] Did you hear that?
Phil: My money was on Denise Modick.
Claire: No. First she complimented my fashion sense, then she told me I did something right. Phil, I think it's happening.

Claire: You know what? I think I'm gonna ask her out to dinner tonight. Do you think she'll say yes?
Phil: If you want, I can pass her a note in study hall.

Art Teacher: First of all, I just want to say what a pleasure it is to have Manny in art class. He's talented-
Jay: Can we just skip to what he did wrong?
Gloria: Who said that he did something wrong?
Jay: Hit it.
Art Teacher: We do have an issue.
Jay: Told you.
Art Teacher: Manny seems to have quite a fascination with the female nude.
Gloria: So? He's a romantic.
Art Teacher: Well, this is all his art work over the last few weeks.
Jay: Holy moly.
Art Teacher: There were even more, but I think the janitor took some home.

Phil: I knew it! What are you hiding?
Luke: Porn.
Phil: Don't lie to me!
Luke: Fine. I'm trying to send a message to a girl on Facebook, but she's so out of my league. Look at her.

Luke: Stop now. We can only screw it up from here.
Phil: Please. You're in the hands of the master. I think I know how to pick up a 14-year-old girl... For you.

Phil: "What's the haps tonight?" Boop.
Luke: "What's the haps tonight"? Nobody says that. "Going to the mall. Wanna meet?"
Phil: "Dinner at Rosa Grill in an hour?" Boom!
Luke: Kids don't eat dinner.
Phil: What do you mean, you don't eat dinner? What do you do?
Luke: I don't know. You just walk around and jump off stuff.
Phil: You can't invite a girl to jump off stuff.
Luke: Well, it's way better than-- "See ya then. X.O."
Phil: You're in, buddy.

Sal: Well, thank you, dimples.
Cameron: Oh, you better get that out of your system, 'cause in two hours, you're gonna be Mrs. Anthony Lombardo.
Mitchell: So does this Italian of yours cook?
Sal: In every room of the house, if you know what I mean! Ooh! We have a lot of sex.

Mitchell: Okay, now let's have a proper toast. To wild Sal. You gave it a good run, but like every legendary gunslinger, there comes a time when you need to holster your weapons and ride off into the sunset.
Cameron: But you took on every man who came to town.
Sal: I really did!

Jay: Look, nobody's as happy as I am about you loving the ladies. All I'm saying is, you gotta pull back a little.
Manny: Okay.
Gloria: Ay, Manny, this is all my fault. I am too free with my body. It was okay when you were a little boy, but-
Jay: Was it?

Simone: Hi, Luke.
Luke: Pretty good. Uh, I mean, hi, Simone. Uh, this is my dad. Dad, this is Luke.
Simone: You're funny.
Luke: Looking.
Phil: [lowered voice] Clutch.
Luke: What are you still doing here?