Barney: You'd best get your mind right, son!
Ted: The game is the game, and there ain't no winners.
Robin: How many retired gangbangers you know? Exactly.

Bailiff: Barney, check it out. I found my scrapbook from the old days.
Barney: We're kind of busy right now, Warren. We're scaring kids straight, so...
Bailiff: No, no. Barney was the youngest member of our Magic Enthusiasts Club years back. Famous for escaping from handcuffs.
Lily: Handcuffs, huh?
Bailiff: Very tiny hands. That was his secret. See you around, baby hands.

Lily: So, you don't know the bailiff because you were a badass. You knew him because you guys were in a nerd club together.
Ted: Where you dazzled audiences with your sleight-of-tiny-hand.
Barney: So I was a late hand bloomer! Go ahead, laugh. Laugh like all the others. But those magicians pulled off
the greatest trick of all: they accepted me.

Marshall: I left the courthouse that day questioning what I was even doing with my life... and then that night,
I had a dream.
[fantasy scene with Marshall and fourteen-year-old Marvin fishing:]
Marshall: Sorry I failed, son.
Marvin: What about your Pebble Theory, Dad? One good deed ripples out and makes another and another?
Marshall: Yeah. This is what really happens when you throw a pebble into Frog Lake. The truth is, you can fight your whole life to do good and still get nowhere.
Marvin: You're wrong. Some good's gonna ripple out of this, Dad. I promise.
[loud animal squeal]
Marshall: Great, I've angered the Frog King.

Marshall: Later that night, some good did ripple out.
[flashback to Brad going to MacLaren's:]
Brad: Hey.
Marshall: What, are you here to gloat?
Brad: No. Came here to thank you. For reminding me of why I got into law in the first place: to fight for the little guy. Which is why I said "Hasta Lucia" to my firm, and took a job at your firm, brobeans.
Marshall: Don't "brobeans" me. My boss would never hire you after the way you lied to us.
Brad: I told him I'd take every last bit of manipulation, deception, and accidental pen-dropping I used against you guys and put it towards saving the world.
Marshall: Even if that's true, I'm still not sure that I can forgive you.
Brad: Would you object to an 11:15 brunch rezzy for two tomorrow at the Popover Pantry?
Marshall: I'll allow it.
Brad: Yes! The Brunch Bros are back!

Marshall: Well, what he said next is the reason that I'm sitting in this chair.
[flashback to Marshall and Brad at MacLaren's:]
Brad: Seriously, thanks for giving my soul a little redempsh. And B-T-dubs, that judge was an idiot. It's people like you, people with hope and vision and integ, that should be behind that bench making the calls.
[present:]
Marshall: And that's when I realized I wanted to be a judge. Because judges are the ones who can effect real change. And that's why I'm here, before the New York State Judiciary Committee. I hope that you will consider me for an appointment to a judgeship.
Judge #1: Thank you, Mr. Eriksen. The panel will take this under advisement.
Marshall: Take your time.
Judge #1: It could be a few months.
Marshall: Better tell my wife I won't be home for dinner.
Judge #1: Get out.

Marshall: I can't compete with Brad. The jury is in love with him. During recess, one of those ladies raced across the hall to see if she could get a divorce.
Ted: And I'm pretty sure there was some funny business going on under that judge's robe.

Marshall: Your Honor, $25,000? What just happened?
Judge: Son, yes, Gruber Pharmaceuticals probably polluted that lake, but I'm not gonna ruin an important company just because they gave some bird a rash.
Marshall: No, but it's thousands of birds, and fish and otters and turtles...
Judge: Look, Eriksen, I hate to cut you short, but I got tickets to Annie and my wife is waiting.
Marshall: You have a wi... won-wonderful show to see?
Judge: Guilty. Ciao.