Marshall Quote #1016
Quote from Marshall in Twelve Horny Women
Judge #1: Mr. Eriksen, please. You're here to discuss your conduct in court during the week of November 19, 2012.
Marshall: Of course, Your Honor. [v.o.] It all started when a so-called friend from law school conned me into believing that he needed my help getting a job, when in reality, he stole my firm's strategy for our upcoming trial against Gruber Pharmaceuticals, who'd been polluting a lake upstate. Turns out, he was representing Gruber.
[flashback:]
Honeywell: Win this case or you're fired, Eriksen.
Marshall: [to Brad] How could you trick me like that? This is the biggest trial in my career.
Brad: Mine too, brobeans. When I win this trial, I'm gonna buy a new car. Thinking Lambo.
Marshall: Awesome. [high-fives Brad] I mean, no! What happened to you? You used to be, like, the nicest guy ever. We were bros. More than bros. We ate brunch together.
Brad: And I'll always cherish that. But after Kara broke my heart again for the millionth time, I said screw being nice, suited up and started lying to get what I want.
Marshall: That does happen. But you used to want to fight for the little guy.
Brad: Little guys pay with little checks. But you already know that. You're in environmental law. Marshall, you have a kid. How are you gonna provide for the little dude's futche?
Marshall: I'm worried about Planet Earth's futche! That's why I'm gonna kick your ass in this trial. Sure, you may have swiped our entire strategy for this case, but I still got some tricks up my sleeve that you know absolutely nothing about.
Brad: Really?
Marshall: No.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Twelve Horny Women’ Quotes
Quote from Robin
Robin: Lily, let it go. I didn't want to brag, but I think it's time to acknowledge that I was the ultimate teenage badass of this group.
Lily: You were a teen pop star in Canada. You sang songs about the mall.
Robin: Hey. There is a dark side to being a rocker on the road north of the 49th.
[flashback to Robin smoking in a hotel room filled with people when two Mounties arrive:]
Robin: Hey.
Mountie: We've received some noise complaints, eh? Can you please lower the music?
Robin: Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Sure. How aboot, uh, I lower the TV, too, yeah? [throws TV out of the window]
[present:]
Robin: Three hours later, I was arrested drunk, naked, and driving a Zamboni. Man, that DUI drove my insurance through the roof.
Quote from Lily
Clerk: Sorry, Ms. Aldrin, there's no rap sheet under your name.
Lily: Oh, y-you know what, it must be under my street tag: Number One Gunna.
Clerk: Nope. Sorry, Number One Gunna. Next!
Lily: Those jive-ass turkeys must've lost it.
Ted: Well, they're pretty swamped arresting 1970s pimps like yourself.
Quote from Marshall
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, this a story about the time your Uncle Marshall went before the New York State Judiciary Committee, a panel that would decide the fate of his career. He thought he'd open with an icebreaker.
Marshall: By the way, did I mention those robes really do you all... justice? I'm just saying that you're all guilty... of looking sharp.