Ted Quote #1195
Quote from Ted in Twelve Horny Women
Ted: All right, guys, this is the biggest case of Marshall's career. That is why it's so great that we all called in sick to work tomorrow, so we could be in that courtroom to support him.
Robin: I didn't call in sick.
Ted: I called in for all of us. Uh, I have strep throat. Robin, bronchitis. Barney, massive hemorrhoids.
Barney: Why'd you have to say "massive"?
Ted: Well, if you're gonna miss work for hemorrhoids, they kind of have to be massive.
Barney: I don't want to sit in a courtroom all day.
Ted: I bet you don't want to sit anywhere with those hemorrhoids.
Barney: I don't have... Shut up.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Twelve Horny Women’ Quotes
Quote from Robin
Robin: Lily, let it go. I didn't want to brag, but I think it's time to acknowledge that I was the ultimate teenage badass of this group.
Lily: You were a teen pop star in Canada. You sang songs about the mall.
Robin: Hey. There is a dark side to being a rocker on the road north of the 49th.
[flashback to Robin smoking in a hotel room filled with people when two Mounties arrive:]
Robin: Hey.
Mountie: We've received some noise complaints, eh? Can you please lower the music?
Robin: Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Sure. How aboot, uh, I lower the TV, too, yeah? [throws TV out of the window]
[present:]
Robin: Three hours later, I was arrested drunk, naked, and driving a Zamboni. Man, that DUI drove my insurance through the roof.
Quote from Lily
Clerk: Sorry, Ms. Aldrin, there's no rap sheet under your name.
Lily: Oh, y-you know what, it must be under my street tag: Number One Gunna.
Clerk: Nope. Sorry, Number One Gunna. Next!
Lily: Those jive-ass turkeys must've lost it.
Ted: Well, they're pretty swamped arresting 1970s pimps like yourself.
Quote from Marshall
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, this a story about the time your Uncle Marshall went before the New York State Judiciary Committee, a panel that would decide the fate of his career. He thought he'd open with an icebreaker.
Marshall: By the way, did I mention those robes really do you all... justice? I'm just saying that you're all guilty... of looking sharp.