Barney: I'm feeling lazy. How 'bout girl with the chocolatini?
James: Oh, boom, back tattoo. Hero and the pig?
Barney: Let's ride.
James: Fo' 'sho. [up close to the woman] Damn baby, nice tramp stamp!
Woman: Get off me, you pig!
Barney: Hey! Hey! Her body art is not an invitation to grope her, it's an expression of her inner self. I'm sure, in many ways, she is the dolphin encircled by flowers.
James: What?
Barney: What?
James: What?
Barney: What?
James: Cool.
Barney: Let me know if he bothers you again.
Woman: Thanks. You should stay close, just in case.
Barney: Sure. If it'll make you feel safer. I'm Barney.

Lily: I miss my jammies. I can't believe I wore a bra for this.
Robin: Bras suck. They're so confining and unnatural.
Lily: Yeah, they're like a boobie zoo.
Man: Well, why don't you take it off then and let those puppies breathe?
Lily: Oh, please go sweat on someone else.
Marshall: Poor guy.
Lily: Poor guy? Poor my boobs.

Marshall: Well, it takes a lot of guts to approach a girl and you just crushed him.
Lily: Oh, yeah, yeah. He looks all broken up inside.
Robin: Whatever, you guys have no idea what it's like to be on the receiving end.
Ted: "Oh, poor me. I'm a pretty girl and everybody everywhere wants to buy me drinks and have sex with me." Wah.

Marshall: "Oh, poor me. I get to order yummy, pink drinks with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like, but can't order because they'll be made fun of."
Ted: Dude.
Marshall: They're delicious!

Lily: You know, that was, like, the third hot guy that James blew off tonight.
Marshall: Yeah, he's turning down shots, he's yawning, he's whining about his feet. He's as bad as we are.
Ted: He is. Wait, he's exactly as bad as we are. You guys don't think that James is... in a relationship?
Robin: No, there's no way. He's Barney's brother.
Marshall: Look at that. He's texting! [all gasp]
Ted: Oh, my God! He is in a couple.

James: Hey, bro.
Barney: Don't change the subject. Let me see your phone.
James: Why?
Barney: I just want to see your phone. Let me see your phone.
James: No, it's just a phone. It's just a phone! Well, it's got Internet access, and it's got a camera on it, and you can surf the Web and do the whole thing. It's so amazing how far technology has come. What kind of phone do you have?
Barney: I got... Who is this? And the answer better be: "I don't remember his name."
James: That is Tom. And he's my fiancé.

Man: Hey, I really like your sweater.
Robin: Wow. You actually do, don't you? You're not checking out my boobs or anything.
Man: My name's Gay Ken, what do you think?
Robin: I love this place! Let's dance!
Lily: And not be groped!
Robin: Whoo! Thank you.

Barney: He's very shy, loves tennis and Brazil, and drops his pants after three dirty martinis. Now go, man, go!

Marshall: I just never thought I'd see Barney so vulnerable.
Ted: Well, I guess no one wants to feel like they're going through the world alone.
Man: Look at me, in a yummy sandwich!
Marshall: Okay, we're actually right in the middle of something right now, so...
Man: Ooh, I know what I want to be in the middle of. Thoughts?
Ted: God, can't two straight guys come to a gay dance club, enjoy some techno and good conversation without being bothered?

Robin: How's it going, guys? Still enjoying the attentions of men?
Marshall: That's like the eighth guy who's hit on us in ten minutes. It's like, hello, my eyes are up here.
Ted: And it's never the hot ones. It's always the losers. Bums me out!