Robin: Look, I like Zoey. Without her, my dinner party wouldn't have been such a success. So those feelings of yours... shut 'em down.
Ted: Fine. I'll shut 'em down.
Lily: And seriously, mouthwash after coffee.

Marshall: [on the phone] Oh, um, that's my other line. It's not a number I recognize.
Robin: So don't answer it.
Marshall: Yeah.
Robin: Oh, my God, you are so Minnesota. You can't not answer the phone because it would be rude.
Marshall: Well, it would be. Good-bye. [on other line] Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking.

Barney: [on the phone] So Ted did his best to impress her, but as per yoozh, he bored the pants very much on her.
[flashback to Ted, Barney and Honey at MacLaren's:]
Ted: Blah, blah, blah, I'm an architect. Blah, blah, blah, I don't wear suits. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Honey: Wow, an architect. How fascinating.
Ted: Blah, blah, blah, blah. Rambling architecture anecdote. Blah, blah, something about a bridge. Blah, blah, blah...
Honey: [whispering] Straw.
Barney: [whispering] Coaster.
Honey: Okay, time to go home.

Barney: [on the phone] Any-who, next day, I'm going into work. I run into Zoey.
[flashback to Barney with Zoey on the street:]
Barney: Hey, Zoey. That cousin of yours, Honey, yowsa! I must say, your family tree has got a couple of pretty big coconuts.
Zoey: Thanks.
Barney: Yeah, we had a great time last night. And then just hand stuff in the morning, so...
Zoey: Wait, she didn't go home with Ted?
Barney: Nope, he let me have her. I have to say, it was pretty noble of him. He fell on his sword so that she could fall on mine. I won't bore you with the details, but to summarize... [imitates bed springs]
[present:]
Barney: She hugged me. What was that all about?
Marcus: Zoey's in love with Ted.
Marshall: Marcus!

[As Marshall talks on the phone with Barney, Marcus, who's been eavesdropping, jumps in:]
Marcus: Wait, hear me out, Marshall. Zoey's in love with Ted, but she's married, so she tried to push him away by setting him up with her cousin instead. But seeing Ted and Honey hit it off was more than her gentle heart
could bear, so Zoey left early, pricked by love's fickle thorn. But then, the next morning, upon learning that Ted had not tasted of Honey's sweet nectar, her joy burst forth like a blossoming flower in spring.
Marshall: Wow. Zoey's in love with Ted.
Marcus: Oh, Marshall, I stopped by that new doughnut shop Hertz Donuts. Would you like a Hertz Donut?
Marshall: Sure.
[Marcus rushes into Marshall's childhood bedroom:]
Marshall: Hey, where's the...?
[Marcus punches Marshall in the arm]
Marshall: No! Aah!
Marcus: Hurts, don't it?
Barney: I can't believe you fell for that, bro.

Ted: [answers phone] Hello.
Marshall: Listen, Ted, um, I got to tell you something about Zoey.
Ted: Yeah, yeah. I need to tell you something about Zoey, too.
[flashback to Zoey arriving at the apartment:]
Zoey: Hey. I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd take you up on that beer you're about to offer me.
Ted: Can I get you a beer?
Zoey: Oh, Ted, I'm so busy. But I guess I got time for one. Lead the way. [Zoey opens the fridge] Oh, my God. What?! Fridge full of ketchup? How? How, I ask you?
[Ted stares longingly at Zoey]
Zoey: What?
Ted: Listen, Zoey, I, um... I need to tell you something. Um...
[present:]
Judy: Marshall, I'm going to Byerly's. You want anything?
Marshall: Mom! Get off the phone!
Marcus: Could you get some more Bugles, please?
Judy: Of course, dear.
Marshall: Marcus, hang up! Both of you, hang up! And we need ice cream.

Ted: [on the phone] And that was it. No more Zoey.
Marshall: Oh. Hey, buddy, that's Lily. I should take that. But, uh, you're a good guy, Ted. [switches line] Hey, baby.
Lily: We hate Ted now. Get on board or the sexting stops.
Marshall: Ted's a son of a bitch! [cell phone chimes] Oh, nice.

Marshall: [on the phone] But, hey, um, baby, go easy on Ted, okay? He just- He just ended things with Zoey.
Lily: Oh, I know. But did he tell you the whole story?
[flashback to Ted and Zoey in the apartment:]
Ted: I, uh, I can't be friends with you anymore. And you can't ask me why.
Zoey: Why?
Ted: Lily hates you.
[later:]
Zoey: You hate me?

Lily: That's crazy. I don't hate you.
Zoey: Well, I know that's not true, Lily. Ted told me everything.
Ted: He... Oh, really? And... And what did Ted say, exactly?
[flashback to Ted and Zoey in the apartment:]
Ted: Lily hates you. She hates you so much it's hard to be around you. So we can't be friends.
[flashback to Zoey in Lily's apartment:]
Lily: Oh, he... Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay, well, I... I guess there's no use hiding it anymore. I... I hate you. Bitch.

Marshall: [on the phone] Difficult stuff? What difficult stuff?
Lily: I don't know.
Marshall: Well, you did the right thing, baby.
Lily: Not entirely.
[flashback to Zoey in Lily's apartment:]
Lily: Zoey, wait! I don't hate you! We just can't be friends anymore because... Robin hates you.
[present:]
Marshall: [phone beeps] And that's Robin on the other line.
Lily: Oh, well, I'll let you take that. Love you, baby!