[flashback to Robin and Ted talking about Honey:]
Robin: Good for you. Ted Mosby does not take advantage of poor, helpless honeys.
Ted: Yeah, actually, there's another reason that I didn't go home with her.
[present, Robin on the phone with Marshall:]
Judy: He's gay!
Marshall: Mom, hang up!
Judy: I'm sorry.
Marshall: Go on.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, as you remember, Zoey and I met because she was trying to save an old building from being torn down and replaced by a new building that I'd been hired to design. And yet somehow, despite this, we all become friends. Which brings us to the night Aunt Robin decided to cook dinner.
[flashback to December 2010:]
Robin: I thought the oven was Celsius.
Ted: It's okay. We got hot dogs.
Lily: Yeah, and it's not like you can screw up a hot dog. Oh, God. This is so good. I'm gonna finish it in the bathroom.
Zoey: Could someone pass the ketchup?
Barney: I hope I can pass this hot dog.

Zoey: Oops.
Ted: Well, looks like someone's going out in the cold to get more ketchup.
Zoey: Oh, come on, man, I brought the wine.
Ted: Which is all gone.
Marshall: Oops.
Zoey: All right, I tell you what... you get this one bottle, I'll get the next three.
Ted: Hmm, tell you what... no dice.
Zoey: I'll get the next hundred.
Ted: You're not getting out of this.
Zoey: You want to go on a date with my hot cousin?
Ted: I'll get the ketchup.

Zoey: Don't worry, Ted, she's cute.
Barney: [coughing] "Cute" means "fat".
Zoey: She's not fat.
Barney: [coughing] "Not fat" means "ugly".
Zoey: Oh, here she is.
Barney: [coughing] I take back everything I said. That girl is extremely attractive.

Robin: I know. You just want to wrap her up in a blanket and give her a cup of tea. She's, like, this little lost lamb who needs to be protected from the wolves. Speaking of whom...
[flashback to Zoey, her cousin and the gang at MacLaren's:]
Honey: Yeah, I always get those e-mails from Michelle Obama and sometimes Obama himself.
Barney: Oh, honey.

Robin: [v.o.] So the night went on, and eventually everyone went home, except for Ted and Honey.
Honey: Wow, an architect. How fascinating.
Barney: Why do they call 'em coasters?
Robin: And Barney.

Barney: Ted, a word. God, I hate these situations. What are we gonna do about this?
Ted: What are you talking about?
Barney: Come on, Ted, it's obvious. Honey's vibing on me.
Ted: What?
Barney: It's called body language. Remember when she was touching your arm and leaning in real close?
Ted: Mm-hmm.
Barney: Well, while that was happening, the straw in her drink was pointed right at me. I mean, that's as clear
as a signal gets, so... I'm so sorry, man.
Ted: You're right. She's all yours, buddy. I'd say hump her brains out, but someone obviously already has.

[flashback to Robin and Ted talking about Honey:]
Ted: Yeah, actually, there's another reason that I didn't go home with her.
Robin: Hmm?
Ted: I'm in love with Zoey.
[present, Robin on the phone with Marshall:]
Marshall: Oh, my God.
Judy: Oh, my God!
Marshall: Mom!
Judy: Sorry.

Marshall: Ted's in love with Zoey? But, but she's married. That boy needs an intervention.
Robin: Funny you should say that.
[flashback:]
Barney: Does anyone know why we're here?
Lily: Yeah, who called this intervention?
Ted: I did. It's for me.
Lily: This is about the coffee breath. Finally.
Robin: Hmm, no, it's the shoulder hair.
Barney: Guys, just let the man explain how it's all about his wearing a lady's watch.
Ted: It's because I'm in love with Zoey, and she's married, so it needs to stop. And... intervene.

[flashback to Ted talking to Lily, Barney and Robin about Zoey:]
Lily: Are you sure it's love?
Ted: Remember the ketchup bottle? She wasn't the one who dropped it. When she reached for it, our fingers touched, and... I knew, right in that moment, this isn't friendship. This is love.
[present, Marshall on the phone with Robin:]
Marcus: Wuss.
Marshall: Marcus! This is a private conversation! [to Robin] So what'd the wuss do next?