Future Ted: [v.o.] As the day began, none of us had any idea how hard it would be to go nine hours without hearing the outcome of the Super Bowl. I decided to work from home to avoid contamination by the outside world.
Barney: [enters] Hey, take this key and swallow it.
Ted: What? No.
Barney: Come on, Ted, you eat salads. It'll be out by game time.
Ted: Lots more, no.
Barney: I'm not messing around, Theodore. I've got a lot of money riding on this game. If I don't handcuff myself to this radiator, I'll check the score. Please take the key.
Ted: Fine. But only because you didn't think through a bathroom plan and I think that's funny.

Doug: Hey. I'm Doug.
Marshall: Oh, hey, I'm Marshall.
Doug: Are you going to be staying here for the rest of day?
Marshall: Yeah, I'm actually trying to hide out 'cause I don't want to know who won the Super Bowl.
Doug: I know who won.
Marshall: Oh, um, that's great, but I really don't want to know, so if you could just keep that to yourself.
Doug: How badly do you not want to know?
Marshall: Excuse me?
Doug: Ten bucks.
Marshall: Are you serious?
Doug: Just went up to eight.

[Ted walks into a sports bar wearing the "Sensory Deprivator 5000"]
Ted: [loudly] Hello! Uh, my name is Ted Mosby. I'm here to pick up my hot wings. In my hand, you'll find the exact total for the wings plus a generous tip. Please take the cash. Put the wings in my hand and I'll be on my way. Thank you!

Sid: And that closes the book on one heck of a Super Bowl. Back to you, Kevin and Robin.
Robin: [blocking her ears] La, la, la, la, la...
Kevin: We'll be right back.
Director: And we're clear.
Robin: I'm sorry.
Producer: Um, Robin, is it just me, or were you doing something different there?
Robin: Okay, I haven't watched the game yet. I'm begging you, for the rest of the newscast there can't be any references to who won the Super Bowl. I mean, change the teleprompter. No team names, nothing specific.
Producer: That is crazy. I can't do that.
Robin: [crying] My friend Mark passed away this week...
Producer: Okay, sweety. Okay. Okay, I'm so sorry.

Ted: [enters] Ha! Who's the idiot now?! You said the Sensory Deprivator 5000 was stupid. But it totally worked! [Barney leaves without Ted noticing] I couldn't see or hear anything happening around me. Right?! Right?! [takes the glasses off] No...!
Future Ted: [v.o.] And if that weren't bad enough, I was about to have a horrible realization.
Ted: Where's the dipping sauce?

Doug: The team that won, want to know what their name rhymes with?
Marshall: Come on, dude. You promised you'd stop if I ate all those crayons. Why are you doing this?
Doug: I'm in love with Miss Aldrin.
Marshall: Well, you can't have Miss Aldrin, she's mine.
[Doug drops an object and breaks it]
Lily: Okay, now who did this?
Marshall: I did.
Doug: Does that mean Marshall gets a time-out?
Lily: Well, Marshall's a grownup, so...
Doug: When one of us breaks something, we get a time-out.
Lily: Sorry.
[Marshall stands in a corner of the room facing the wall]

Doug: Hey. Hey.
Marshall: I'm not talking to you.
Doug: Yes, you are. You'll do whatever I say. Hold your breath.
Marshall: I'm not holding my breath.
Doug: The winning team was the... [Marshall holds his breath] Now here's how this is going to work. You're going to take me to three R-rated movies a week...
Future Ted: [v.o.] And then Uncle Marshall got an idea. It was not one he was proud of in retrospect, but desperate times...
[Marshall takes a carton of juice and pours it on Doug's pants]
Marshall: Oh, no. Somebody wet their pants.
Doug: No, I didn't.
Marshall: Oh, really? Who's everyone gonna believe? I'm a grownup third-year law student at Columbia and you're just a little pants wetter. So now I ask you a question. Do you want to be able to quietly sneak off to the restroom and dry off or am I gonna have something for show and tell today? Hey, everyone...
Doug: Okay, okay. You win.
Marshall: I want my money back. And your pudding snack pack.

[Ted returns to the bar with his Sensory Deprivator 5000]
Ted: Hello! It's me again.
Barman: Oh! I didn't recognize you.
Ted: Yeah, you forgot to give me the dipping sauce! Ah. Yes. This is the one.

Future Ted: [v.o.] It was 4:00, and so far, all of us had done the impossible. But then, almost simultaneously, things started to go wrong.
[Robin finishing the news:]
Robin: And let's end the day on a happy note. There is a new arrival at the Bronx Zoo. Trish Sanchez has the story.
[Lily is locking up her classroom when the janitor wheels in with his radio playing]
[Barney finds a news stand]
[Ted is about leave the bar when a man accidentally hits a pool ball off the table]
Man #1: Hey, buddy.
Man #2: Hey, dude, look out.
[A reporter on Robin's newscast:]
Trish Sanchez: And in honor of yesterday's big win...
[The janitor in the hallway turns up his radio as Marshall starts to panic]
[Back at the bar:]
Man #1: Hey, buddy, look out.
Man #2: Dude, watch out!
[meanwhile:]
Trish Sanchez: ...the zoo decided to name the baby panda after Super Bowl champions...
Robin: No...!
Marshall:No...!
Barney: No...!
[Ted falls down the stairs of the bar, without spilling any dip]
Ted: Yes...!

Ted: Awesome. Just in time for kick-off. None of you guys found out the score, right?
Robin: Mission accomplished.
Lily: Didn't find out.
Ted: Great. Let's do it. I already fast-forwarded through the four hours of pre-game coverage. So we are ready. [Barney enters] Barney, I can't even look at you. I don't want any sign of who won.
Barney: Don't worry, I'm not going to give anything away. Feel free to start without me. [enters the bedroom] Ah...! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! So much money! You screwed it up, Barney! You screwed everything up! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! [returns] Okay, let's watch the game.
Ted: Barney, what the hell was that? We know who you bet on. Now you've ruined the game for everyone.