Future Ted: [v.o.] Marshall and Jeff stayed pretty late at the restaurant. They stayed so late that Marshall crashed on Jeff's couch, and the next day, Marshall took part in a Sunday morning tradition as old as the city itself: the Walk of Shame, the long journey home after doing something you regret the night before.
[flashback:]
Marshall: I'll take the job.
[present:]
Jefferson: Great time last night. I'll call you later.
Woman: He's not going to call you.

Lily: Listen, I have, uh, something to tell you.
Marshall: Uh, I have something I need to tell you also.
Lily: Mine's pretty huge.
Marshall: You go first.
Lily: Well...
Marshall: I took the job. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was drunk, and it was a haze of cigars and scotch and Swayze, and they offered me, like, like, like, like, a lot of money.
Lily: Oh, Marshall. How much money?
Marshall: [hands Lily the piece of paper] Here.
[Lily imagines laying down in a pile of shoes]

Marshall: It's completely despicable. I know, I know, I sold out for a huge pile of disgusting money, disgusting money that could help our future family have some financial security and could help pay for law school. Law school. Law school that I went to to help protect the environment, not help destroy it. And for what? For, for a lot of money. [screams]
[cut to Marshall still screaming in a booth at MacLaren's:]
Ted: Okay, you've got to stop screaming. Listen, Marshall, you know what I like to do in situations like this?
Marshall: Ted, if you say make a list of pros and cons, I'm going to smack you.
Ted: I wasn't going to say that.
Wendy: Okay, two beers, and Ted, here's that yellow legal pad you asked for.
Ted: Yellow legal pad? I ordered fries. Maybe you should use this to write down people's orders.

Marshall: Guys, I, I don't know what to do.
Barney: Take the money. Money is good, money is happiness.
Marshall: If I work there, I'll be representing the most evil corporations in the world.
Ted: Kind of sounds like a pros and con list to me.

Robin: Lily, you have to tell him. You can help him make this decision.
Lily: Oh, I think he's doing fine on his own.
Marshall: [mumbling with his face on the table]
Lily: All right. Marshall, I have something to say, and it's gonna help you make your decision.
Marshall: Oh, of course, you know my heart better than I do. You know what's best for me and for us. Please, please tell me what to do.
Lily: I think you should take the job at the NRDC.
Marshall: Of course I should, of course I should. Guys, I'm going to save the planet Earth.

Robin: What is the matter with you?
Lily: I can't ask him to make himself miserable because of a mistake I made. It's my problem; I'll figure it out.
Robin: That's really sweet. Are those new earrings?
Lily: What are you, my mom?

Marshall: [on the phone] Jeff, hey, um, it's Marshall.
Jefferson: Hey, Marshall.
Marshall: I have something that I need to tell you. I feel really weird about doing this over the phone.
[Jefferson pulls up alongside Marshall in the back of a long, black limousine]
Jefferson: Then don't. Before you say anything, come take a ride in this awesome limo with me.
Marshall: Where are we going?
Jefferson: Tuckahoe Funland.
Marshall: I'm sorry. It sounded like you said Tuckahoe Funland, the magic factory where dreams are made.
Jefferson: Get in.

Marshall: Man, I-I love this place.
Jefferson: Me, too, buddy. So what did you want to tell me?
Marshall: I can't work for you.
Jefferson: I know, dude. It's fine. Marshall Eriksen wants to preserve the environment, so that our children can enjoy it as we have. I get it.
Marshall: Good. Thank you.
Jefferson: I look down and see children enjoying this place.
Marshall: Yeah, because somebody fought to preserve it. If they ever shut this place down, it would be a tragedy.
Jefferson: Well, the good news is, that'll never happen. You won't let it. Because when you work for us, your only client will be this place Tuckahoe Funland.

Marshall: I'm taking the job.
Ted: Hey.
Barney: All right.
Marshall: And the best part is I'm not even going to be representing some sort of evil corporation. I will be representing Tuckahoe Funland, the least evil place in the world.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Or so Marshall thought.
[A series of newspaper front-pages flash up: "FUNLAND SAFETY SCANDAL", "3 DIE AT FUNLAND", "E. COLI OUTBREAK TRACED TO FUNLAND CORNDOGS"]