Rory: Ready?
Lorelai: Okay. Wait. Just wait. We can still leave.
Rory: No.
Lorelai: Rory, right now is the point in the horror movie where the entire audience is yelling, "Don't go in there."

Rory: [on the phone] So, talk to me. How are you feeling?
Lorelai: Oh, good, good. Fine. Medium. You know, rare... medium rare. Rare. More like sashimi.

Michel: Let's discuss the programs.
Lorelai: The programs.
Sookie: You want programs?
Michel: Do you think when the Princess of Wales was interred at Althorp the Spencer family was asked whether or not they wanted programs?
Lorelai: Probably not.

Paris: What's with the gooney look?
Rory: Huh?
Paris: Your face. It's right out of a Harlequin romance.
Rory: He's just been so great. I mean, he's really been there for me for the past couple days. I had to practically send him away from the hospital yesterday.
Paris: I know. It's amazing. I never thought you guys were gonna last.
Rory: What?
Paris: I'm just being honest. Logan Huntzberger? Between the women and the drinking, that kid was on the Colin Farrell freeway about to pull over into the Robert Downey Jr. rest stop.

Lorelai: I'm just saying it's a cliche.
Emily: What is?
Lorelai: Hospital food being bad.
Emily: Exactly.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: It's a cliche for a reason. Cliches are true things that people are tired of being true. Like, "a penny saved is a penny earned." Well it is, invested wisely.
Lorelai: I don't think that's a cliche, mom.
Emily: What do you mean? Of course it's a cliche.
Lorelai: It's not a cliche. That's more an overused saying, like "I'm sweating bullets" or "it's as cold as ice."
Emily: Well, some overused sayings are true, like "children should be seen and not heard."
Lorelai: "Mother knows best."
Emily: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Richard: Well, naturally I thought they were referring to the archduke. So I jumped in, as who wouldn't? With some thoughts about the various conspiracy theories surrounding his infamous assassination in Sarajevo. Imagine my surprise when I learned that Franz Ferdinand was the name of a very popular rock-'n'-roll band.
Emily: [laughs] That's what he gets for trying to fraternize after class with his students.
Richard: One of them even offered to burn a CD for me.

Bill: When the editor in chief isn't here, the managing editor's in charge. That's standard operating procedure at every newspaper in the country.
Paris: Yes, but I've done this 1,000 times, and you've never done it, Bill. Experience.
Bill: Experience that led to a mutiny. It's not like anyone ever gave Captain Bligh another ship after the Bounty.
Paris: Of course they did, multiple ships, and by the time he died, they promoted the guy to Rear Admiral. Do you think the British royal navy ruled the world in the 19th century by letting that much natural talent and leadership capability go to waste just because a few whiny complainers wanted more breadfruit and less scurvy?

Police Officer: You were on a cellphone, ma'am.
Emily: I don't see how that's your concern. Do my bills go to your office?
Police Officer: It is illegal in Connecticut to talk on a cellphone while operating a vehicle.
Emily: Well, that is absurd. I can't talk on my own phone in my own car?
Police Officer: License and registration, ma'am.
Emily: If I can manage to drink a cup of hot coffee and drive, I can talk on a cellphone. Or is coffee illegal, too? Can I listen to the radio? Can I open the glove compartment? Perhaps you should outlaw scratching your nose. That would certainly cut down on accidents.
Police Officer: Ma'am, have you been drinking?
Emily: What? No! This is outrageous. You know, right now, someone is robbing a Kwik-e-mart, and you're standing there harassing me.
Police Officer: I'm going to need you to blow into this breathalyzer for me.
Emily: Young man, I don't know where that's been, but I can say with absolute certainty it won't be going anywhere near my mouth.

Rory: It's just a model rocket. I mean, what could that mean? Who gives someone a rocket?
Lorelai: I don't know. I don't know. We'll figure it out, though. Rocket, rocket, rocket. Rocket man. "Rocket Man." "Crocodile Rock" was good. "Bennie and the Jets," "Candle in the Wind."
Rory: Are you just naming Elton John songs?
Lorelai: He is just so talented.

Lorelai: What's this?
Richard: Don't touch that!
Rory: He slapped my hand earlier.
Emily: It is top secret.
Lorelai: Oh, my God. It's the weapons of mass destruction. Quick, get the president on the phone.
Richard: Lorelai.
Lorelai: If he's not in the oval office, try the ice-cream room.