Paris: Rory, I clocked in.
Rory: Cool.
Paris: They gave me this card, and it had my name on it. And I shoved it in the clock thing, and it made the punchy sound, and I'm officially on the job.
Rory: Great.
Paris: And I'm prepared, too. I was a little nervous last night about making small talk with co-workers, so I went to the video store and rented Working Girl and the first season of Just Shoot Me! Got a couple of Wendie Malick bon mots that have already come in handy.

Emily: I did not force Jimmy Carter out of his room at that hotel.
Lorelai: See, now that I thought was just an amusing anecdote.
Emily: I did not get into a, quote, "bitch-fight" with him. He's an ex-president! It was with that insufferable Rosalyn.

Rory: I know she sounds nuts, but it's a very common cartoon.
Richard: But that doesn't prove that anvils were so common.
Lorelai: It does. It proves that anvils were so ubiquitous at one point - Is that the word, ubiquitous?
Rory: It depends on where you're going.
Lorelai: That they knew that children would know what they were and delight in them. That's how common they were, children watching cartoons.
Rory: That was the word.
Richard: I've forgotten your point.
Lorelai: Where are all the anvils? I mean, is there some sort of secret anvil storage facility the government is keeping from us?
Richard: Or they fell into disuse with the advent of other technologies, and so they melted them down and they're gone.
Lorelai: But they're not supposed to melt. They were made to withstand the red-hot hammer of the town blacksmith.
Emily: This is easily the most pointless conversation we've ever had.
Lorelai: I don't hear anyone chiming in with rational theories.

Lorelai: Yes, where did all the anvils go?
Emily: You're talking about those big, heavy, metal things?
Lorelai: That blacksmiths hammered horseshoes and stuff on. Everyone had them. They were featured prominently in every movie western, so where did they all go?
Richard: I don't know that they were that common.
Lorelai: Wile E. Coyote used them. That's how common they were.
Emily: Who?
Lorelai: The cartoon. He was always trying to drop an anvil on the Road Runner's head or shoot it at him out of a giant slingshot or fire it at him out of a cannon. Inevitably, the cannon tilted up, shot it in the air, it fell down, and made an anvil-shaped impression on Wile E. Coyote's head.
Emily: This is a cartoon?
Lorelai: No, no, this just happened to me the other day. I was walking down the street, and this giant anvil- Yes, mother, it's a cartoon.

Lorelai: So, apparently, I am now the reigning Lorelai.
Rory: Huh. I guess you are.
Lorelai: It's a lot of responsibility.
Rory: Well, sure.
Lorelai: I mean, it's mostly ceremonial stuff nowadays - declaring knighthoods, opening supermarkets - but now and then, you get to banish someone or pose for a stamp.
Rory: Neat. And coins.
Lorelai: Yeah and coins. You know, someday you'll be the reigning Lorelai.
Rory: I don't like that idea.
Lorelai: Why not? You get a cape.
Rory: Because if I'm the reigning Lorelai, that means you'll be gone.
Lorelai: Gone? No, not me. I'll step down way before that. I'm not gonna pull a Queen Elizabeth on you, make you wait around forever, force you to develop interests in polo and architecture.
Rory: I am scared of horses.
Lorelai: I know that.
Rory: So, there's a cape, huh?

Kirk: Oh, I can tell you what they're saying.
Lorelai: How?
Kirk: I read lips. My girlfriend taught me. It's so we can have quiet time and keep the conversation going at the same time. Okay, she just said, "Hardwood sponge is the authority of the hostile biographer." And then he responded, "Just phone cords to original samovars."
Lorelai: Kirk, that doesn't make any sense.
Kirk: Must mean they're on to us and they've switched to some sort of code.
Lorelai: I don't think they're speaking in code.
Kirk: Oh, I think Luke's heading back. He just got up and said, "Feel your taters."
Lorelai: Is it possible he said, "I'll see you later?"
Kirk: No, I'm pretty sure about this one.

Rory: [on the phone] I could have sworn I told you.
Lorelai: I just reread every e-mail you sent in the past ten days. No sickness mention, but you did share these gems: "Hey, what up? Is it freezing there, too? [chuckles] Ice." And, "Whew. Pooped." Then you added one of those obnoxious hieroglyphics that I can never read that are supposed to indicate you're laughing or smiling or frowning or vomiting. I don't know what.
Rory: That's a typo. I don't do cutesy symbols.
Lorelai: You're not even using verbs. That's not a relationship. Relationships need verbs.

Lorelai: How about a triple feature? Three Days of the Condor, The Show, and The Jerk.
Rory: Hmm. The Show is, like, 9.5 hours.
Lorelai: But The Jerk is short.
Rory: Hmm.
Lorelai: The three faces of Costner: Bull Durham, Dances with Wolves, The Postman. Tom Petty playing Tom Petty, that great big speech about: "Once upon a time, there was a thing called mail. It'll make you laugh, cry, or mail something."
Rory: Ooh, we could do a Ruth Gordon film festival. Harold and Maude, Rosemary's Baby, and that really great episode of Taxi.
Lorelai: Got it. The worst film festival ever: Cool as Ice, Hudson Hawk, and Electric Boogaloo.
Rory: Sold.
Lorelai: I'll get the Hawk.
Rory: I'll get the Boogaloo.

Lorelai: "Past graduates: Henry James." Isn't that a beer?
Rory: And a novelist. Go on.
Lorelai: "John Adams." That's a beer.
Rory: Our second President. He's very in right now.
Lorelai: "W.E.B. DuBois, Yo-Yo Ma." Oh, cool! Fred Gwynne.
Rory: Who?
Lorelai: Herman Munster. Now I'm impressed.
Rory: Want something?
Lorelai: A nice, cool Henry James.
Rory: Or some coffee?
Lorelai: Or some coffee.

Rory: [on the phone] Oh, my God!
Lane: Are you all right?
Rory: I just got hit by a deer!
Lane: You hit a deer?
Rory: No! I got hit by a deer.
Lane: How do you get hit by a deer?
Rory: I was at a stop sign, and he hit me!